The Journey Home

37 - Walking The Wire

I'll take your hand when thunder roars

And I'll hold you close, I'll stay the course

I promise you from up above

That we'll take what comes, love

-Walking the Wire by Imagine Dragons

******

Eileen

I sat by the toilet. It was pointless to even stand up, I pretty much lived in the restroom. Another bout of nausea had attacked me and I felt weak. At eight weeks pregnant I spent most of the day in the restroom throwing up and rinsing my mouth. The cramping would come and go and in just a day I would have my appointment to look for a heart beat. I knew my baby would live. I could feel it. My baby was announcing his presence with all the nausea and the mood swings. Luke was the first one to acknowledge it. 

I had been struggling to keep up with all my school work because of the constant fatigue. My dad was curious but he didn't push. He was worried that I was depressed, which I wasn't, but I still couldn't bring myself to tell him. I wanted to tell Alex, I craved his support. However, I didn't want to get his hopes up. The doctor had said it was a fifty-fifty chance of a miscarriage. There was no way to tell whether or not the baby would survive.  If there was a strong heart beat in the ultrasound though, the chance of the pregnancy being viable was better.

I let my eyes close for a while. After all the hell that the past years had been, I looked forward to this little ray of sunshine. However, a new set of worries accompanied this pregnancy. For one, the threatened miscarriage. The worst worry I had though, was Alex. I wanted him in the picture. He had been such a great father to Angie despite the circumstances, I knew he'd be great if we had a child. But we weren't even together. We had no stability.

I heard a door open and then footsteps nearing. I didn't bother opening my eyes. I knew it was Luke. He didn't know the definition of knocking. He said he liked to "make an entrance."

After listening closer though, the footsteps were heavier. Determined. 

The door opened, revealing a serious Alex behind it. My name left his lips as a murmur as he knelt in front of me, reaching out as if to touch me, but stopping himself before he did.

"Are you okay?" 

"Uh..y-yeah," I said, pulling myself on to my feet. I had to steady myself when the small restroom started spinning, something that Alex noticed. He didn't ask any questions. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm not sure," he said. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Why?" In the past weeks he hadn't made the effort to contact me after the note I left him. I didn't blame him, but still was surprised to see him there.