Chapter 1: Change: Real or Unforgiving (First chapter is a lot of conversation between Jinxx and Skei)
Skei’s POV
I heard someone come in my room. I was still sleeping, well dozing. “Hey Skei, sis?” Jinxx said really quietly so he didn’t scare me. I rolled over and said “Mornin’ bro! I’ll be right out.” I looked down at my red wrists. why does she do this to me. Why is she such a bitch! Am I the only one who doesn’t like her? I put on my white BVB long sleeve shirt, black leggings, and sloppily throw my jet black hair into a bun.
“Why are you so cheery this morning?” Jinxx asked with confusion because if you know me. I am NEVER happy in the morning.
“Don’t you know what day it is?” I asked him, I know he was messing with me, no one can forget when they leave for tour!
“No? Now would you tell me what’s going on?”
I gasp.
“You mean to tell me you forgot it was tour day?” now I was confused. I pulled down my sleeves hoping Jinxx wouldn’t see. He never liked it when I cut because it “went against their music”
“Oh yeah! Silly me, how could I forget!” now I know he was joking that was so sarcastic!!
“Skei?”
“Yeah?”
“Why did you pull down your sleeves? You cold?”
“Umm, yeah I guess.” I looked down, I have this habit of looking down when I lie.
“Skei? Please pull up your sleeves”
So I did as my big bro said, I heard him gasp.
“Skei Amber Ferguson! What have you done to yourself? Why would you do this!”
“Jinxx, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking but she did this to me! SHE’S ALWAYS THREATENING ME!” I didn’t realized I just yelled at my brother, given I never yell at him
“DIDN’T YOU EVER THINK IT HURTS ME AND OUR FRIENDS!” he yelled back at me. I didn’t know what to do so I just went to my room. I was there for a good hour until I heard a knock on my door…. Great, is Jinxx back to yell at me some more?
“Skei, please open the door. I didn’t mean to yell at you, I’m just disappointed.”
I didn’t answer because I didn’t want him knowing I was crying. He was my loving, caring, supporting brother. He never yelled at me until today.
“Skei, I know you’re in there, I don’t want to start tour like this. Please let me in your room so we can talk.”
I slowly got up and went to my mirror to wipe my tears that he caused, the I opened the door for him.
“Thank you, please don’t be mad at me.”
“Are you kidding me? How could I be mad at you! You’re my brother through thick and thin. I wasn’t mad at you I came in here because I just needed to be away from things for a minute. I’m sorry I yelled at you but it’s Kat that is causing this. I know it hurts you and the band because you always told me ‘cause I’m a fan of your music ‘Its not what our music supports’ and I know that Kat just gets to me to the point where I… you know…”
“Skei, I tell you that because it’s true, remember when you first heard Savior and you thought it was the best song ever because it meant something to you and you thought that it would help you to stop cutting?”
I nodded.
“Well that proves what our music is about. You even have the bands’ numbers, if anything you could’ve texted or called Andy and I’m sure he would’ve talked you out of it. It makes me upset to think that you’re doing this behind my back. I know I sound like dad, but I kinda have to be now that they’re out of our lives.”
“I’m so sorry Jinxx, and I know you have to play the role of mom and dad, and sometimes it’s not fair and yeah I know you have Chleo but she’s not always around.”
I started crying and he pulled me into a tight hug. I love my brother and I know he loves me too.My brother has been my biggest inspiration with things like self harm. That’s what BVB is all about, the message is that self harm isnt the right way to go, it’s a “cowards way out.” When you harm yourself you’re basically giving up. You’re not allowing anything around you to get better.
