Will Ferrell
1234 Rich ST
Hollywood, CA 90210
Dear Will Ferrell,
You are truly a masterful piece of art! From your SNL skits you come to act and write of. Your acting is not only hilarious but also just in a polite way to describe queer… But lately You’ve been reckless that I think you should get out here and do the United States a service and come on to a plane and jump off it with no parachute! Now I know it sounds a bit dangerous but come now its not any different than the other things you have done before!!! Sure if you fail it you might have died or better yet you might live and well just think about it! While you're in the hospital healing from all the pain within all your bones you had in your body you’ll probably be reading the fan letters to all the fans you have. And many phone calls from professional psychological people, maybe your mom screaming on the phone just saying on and on about your dumbest stunt yet! And that what were you thinking. And possibly were you high!
But anyway here’s what I see from this experience I am asking you to do!! You would be wearing your United States of America short shirt thing, and your magnificent and surprisingly United States of America queer thong… Also when you jump you could have a United States Flag and the words you could scream out is… Well I’ll tell you that later in this letter. Anyway you would also be having some accessory with your lovely United States outfit! This will include from Lady Gaga her own look from her song Telephone! Which is her silver shiny boots; mixed with a United States headband, also let us not forget we should add one glove that is red! And you will also be added with earrings that say with a large size letters saying America! And by the way if I were you I would make an appointment or so to get some of those two ears you have pierced!! And next the facials!!! So exciting, any who what you will be added here is your hair with a wig like Quell a Devil you hair i'll be poofy but instead with black and white its red white and blue. See cause it represents the flag oh and also with stars too! And now to add makeup, you will have red lipstick on your lips that compliments your skin not to mention we will paint a lightning bolt through the lips and add a red, white, blue bolt between your left eye!! Then you’ll be also wearing eye shadow that the color of (you guessed it), Red and white on one eye and Blue and white on the other eye. Then some eyeliner should do the trip also lets not forget about mascara got to look fantabulous for your big scene yet!!!
Now I know what you're thinking and I already have that planned out too! And yes we will have the eagle with you until you jump that’s when it will probably claw you to get off so I would think about making sure you have some band aids ready cause that’s gonna be a real Ouchy!! But anyway you also must be thinking this is really insane and might want to make excuses like I think I’m getting too old for this, or I may be nuts but this chilies dog taste terrific!! So I’m right now here to tell you as a friend and a fan that first off chili dogs are so back in 2007 try a hamburger there way better than that slop! Also that you should think about this I mean really when was your last time you really done anything? What back in 1900’s? Ha-ha but seriously you need to do something and this is your chance! Think about your fans what would they want you to do? Tell me what would they want you to do Will Ferrell WHAT!?
Stop being such a couch potato and make some soup when you get here I mean honestly what are you planning to do with the rest of your miserable life huh!? Thank you for your time please take this letter seriously because you would just look fantabuleous in your USA outfit!!!!
Yours Truly,
Your new agent Mara Mandernach
