Imprévu

Dévastation

'Dinner tonight at Alex III by 8pm. See you.'

Early this morning, I got a text from my boyfriend, or so I still think. We've barely seen each other these past few weeks because it has been a very hectic month for the both of us. I've been getting projects and several assignments from the magazine haven I've been working on since I graduated from college. And he just seemed very busy at the moment. We never got to talk anymore too to discuss events in our lives.

I still love him but I think he has fallen out of love for me. Anyway, we've been together for almost eight years now and I know we've been so strong for a long time, but I don't know... I think I have this feeling inside of me that tonight is the night that he's going to break the sad news to me. I've been thinking about it for a couple of weeks now and I've been thinking a lot lately.

In our eight years together, I've given everything that he has needed, I just don't know if I lacked something or anything that caused him to fall out of love. I'm not even sure if it's my fault or he has seen someone better than me. I really miss him a lot. I haven't really talked to him for a long time now and every time I'd try to visit his apartment, he won't be there. When I text him to have a lunch date, he'd tell me that he's busy. Even during weekends, I barely see him.

I miss him so much...

And now I'm a few steps closer to the table he's sitting on. He's wearing nice blue long sleeves, paired with his black pants. He's an editor-in-chief at Harper Collins and when there's a newly published book by their company, he'd buy two copies, one for him and one for me. The both of us love reading and writing, and that made us realized that we can be partners and something more than that.

"Hi." Chris stands up and pulls the chair for me. I hug him and try to kiss him, but he moves his face away just so I can only kiss his cheek. I feel disappointed and anxious. The way he is acting proves the thought building up in my head.

"How are you? Good thing you invited me to have dinner with you. I miss you, you know." Girls are very vocal and right now, I'm trying to not believe the fact that he has fallen out of love. I don't want to. I still want to think that he still loves me. He still does, he can't just... his feelings can't possibly fade that quickly. I mean, eight years! Eight years! And he's just going to throw it all away? It can't happen.

He clears his throat before speaking. "Yeah, I... uh... I want to apologize for how I've been acting lately. I'm sure you've observed that..."

At that moment, I'm trying to hold back the tears, pushing the thought of saying goodbye aside, and remembering how we used to be. They're all hurting me tonight; fortunately, I can still look him in the eye. The same way how I masqueraded the pain I've felt eight years ago when our love story started... It is a long story and recalling them all makes it hard for me to breathe.

"I know, we've been so busy with our work. I understand. How's the new book you're working on, by the way?" I pretend to look at my phone; the digital clock flashes 8:05pm. I look up at him when he didn't answer.

I smile. "Are you okay? Or is there something bothering you?"

We hold each other's gazes as we fall silent. I understand. He doesn't have to open his mouth anymore. It's even better if he doesn't open his mouth. I know that the words will come stabbing right through my chest.

"Would you like to order now, sir? Ma'am?" The waitress breaks our silence which is a good thing, to distract my thoughts because if not, I'm sure as hell that I am going to cry even if he hasn't spoken anything yet.

"I would like to have a baby back ribs." Chris and I say in unison and we are back to staring at each other. It is so, so awkward for the both of us and the waitress. "Would you like to add anything else?" She waits for our respond and saunters off when we said nothing.

"I don't want you to be my girlfriend anymore." He says before I could even blink. And by that, I am shattered by devastation.