I. Int. Hotel room. A man is nuzzling the neck of his bed mate. This man is Paul. He looks like he spends a lot of time in the gym. He could easily charm you with his mid-twenties smile, and he probably did some TV acting in his late teens.
PAUL:
God, you’re beautiful. (Softly)
The other person wakes up. This other man is Charles. His first instinct upon waking up is to reach for his glasses on the bedside table.
CHARLES:
I have to go. (Panic)
Paul pulls him back down, and starts kissing his neck, his chest.
PAUL:
You can stay for a while.
Charles gently, maybe politely, pushes Paul to the side, and manages to slip away from the bed. He finds his underwear thrown over the lampshade, and puts them on.
CHARLES:
I’d love to. (Looks at the finely sculpted, muscular physique of Paul.) God, I’d love to. But there’s this thing...
PAUL:
There’s THIS thing... (grabs his erect penis).
CHARLES:
...that I have to be at in... (checks watch) two hours... and it’s way over at some hotel...
PAUL:
Acacia?
CHARLES:
Acacia Hotel. Yes! How’d you know?
PAUL:
You told me last night.
CHARLES:
Great! So you know, I have to go there...
PAUL:
This IS Acacia Hotel. We met at the Acacia Hotel Bar.
CHARLES:
Oh? Oh. Oh, oh.
PAUL:
(Sigh) Well, I have your number. I have to do this wedding thing in two hours anyway. I’ll give you a call soon, then.
CHARLES:
Sorry. Did you say wedding thing?
PAUL:
Yes. (Exasperatedly) Some cousin of mine is getting married to some guy she’s been dating since college. Ugh. Romance. (Says it like it’s a disgusting thing). Marriage. (Even worse). I don’t know why people insist on marrying. Like Crocs. I don’t know why people insist on those two things that we should have left behind in the 90’s.
CHARLES:
And by chance, is this cousin of yours a young lawyer specializing on corporate law and taxation?
PAUL:
(Look of wonder on his face) Soft, but not chubby... Known for baking a terrific batch of macaroons?
CHARLES:
Karla...
PAUL:
...De Lara. Yes. Oh, my god. We’re going to the same wedding! That’s so awesome. I don’t have a date, and I don’t want to keep explaining to our aunts why I didn’t bring a girl. Please, be my date for this awful, awful wedding? I’ll let you pet these (points to abs) during the ceremony.
CHARLES:
Tempting. But, no.
PAUL:
(Annoyed) Figures. All of you guys are the same. You just want me for my sexy body, and my ridiculously hung cock.
CHARLES:
That... yes. Ridiculously. But, also, because of this other thing.
Charles steps forward, and extends a hand.
CHARLES:
Hello. I’m Charles. I’ve been dating your cousin since college.
Paul starts to laugh.
PAUL:
Oh, god. You really have to go.
CHARLES:
I know. Get married.
PAUL:
No. I mean go, like leave her go.
CHARLES:
At the altar? We’re getting married. Today.
PAUL:
But you’re...
CHARLES:
Indiscretion. Tiny indiscretion. (Dismissive)
PAUL:
Too much discreet-tion.
CHARLES:
That’s forced.
PAUL:
I’m not good with word things. I’m more of a sex smart guy.
CHARLES:
Great, a new facet in the multiple intelligence theory.
PAUL:
Seriously, though. I won’t stop you from marrying my cousin. We’re not that close, anyway. Plus, I’m still harbouring ill feelings for that time she broke my Drinky Winky Mug and told my parents I pulled her hair.
CHARLES:
Drinky Winky?
PAUL:
A drinking vessel for milk right before bed time. Drinky Winky. Focus!
CHARLES:
Yes, right. On to the life lesson from the one night stand who turns out to be a family in law.
PAUL:
I’ll keep my mouth shut about this... (motions to their bodies)
CHARLES:
God, thank you.
PAUL:
...unlike you last night. How do you make that noise?
CHARLES:
What noise?
PAUL:
(Bleats like a goat)
CHARLES:
I do not make that noise.
PAUL grabs Charles and kisses his nipples.
CHARLES:
(Bleats like a goat)
PAUL:
See!
CHARLES:
I have to go. (Reaches out for Paul)
God, you’re beautiful. (Kisses him).
