You'll Forever Glow

December 15

It was Zerah's death anniversary.

Altogether, their family went to her grave and offered prayers.

It has been years since her death but it still hurts them like it just happened the day before. Indeed they will get used to the pain, but that doesn't mean the pain will ever go away. Undeniably, her death will remain as a permanent scar for all of them.

"Una na po kayo. Dito muna ako," Seth told his parents and grandmother when they were about to go.

Giving permission, his Mom and grandmother just nodded while his dad patted his back before going. When they were completely out of sight, he sat beside her grave.

"Zerah, come on, let's watch Wizard of Oz," he said to her grave as he took his laptop from his backpack.

This has been his tradition every 15th of December. Watching Oz always makes him feel her presence. Pakiramdam n'ya, katabi lang n'ya si Zerah. Just like the old times.

As the opening theme played, he closed his eyes and imagined the way they were.

"Seth, come on, let's watch Wizard of Oz!" she said excitedly as if she has never seen the movie.

"But we just watched it the other day."

Oz was his favorite too and he didn't mind watching it again. But Zerah's fascination to the movie was beyond comprehension.

"So?" she said being her hard-headed self again.

"Can we watch other movie instead?" he tried to convince her.

"Of course we can, pero Oz muna!"

Hay. Hindi na naman magpapatalo.

"Fine," he surrendered. Hindi rin naman n'ya matitiis si Zerah.

"Zerah, you know what? I wouldn't mind watching Oz every single day if that means you'll be here again," he whispered as he opened his eyes again.

Kung pwede nga lang sana...

***

He watched the movie in silence. Just as silent as they were before. Ayaw ni Zerah nang maingay kapag nanonood (pero kapag s'ya mismo ang nag-ingay, pwede...bawal pang magreklamo.) And he closed his eyes in Zerah's favorite parts, listened to her voice which is deeply preserved in his head and imagined her usual expressions.

God, I miss you Zerah.

When the movie ended, he heard her voice.

"How are you, Seth?"

She would always ask him that, as if hindi sila palaging magkasama. "I'm fine" was his classic answer. But most of the times, she wouldn't believe him.

"How would you be fine, eh mag-isa ka na naman kanina?"

She would always insist that being alone isn't fun. His answer, which she would never buy, is: "But I work that way Zerah. And I tell you, sometimes being not alone isn't fun too."

But this time, he has a different answer.

"Yes Zerah, mag-isa na naman ako. And you're right, I'm not okay. I'm not fine."

Tumingala pa s'ya para pigilan ang luhang tutulo na sana sa mga mata n'ya.

Zerah, I'm hurting now. I wish you were here with me. I'm sure, I will be so much better then. But you're up there, and I'm alone here, broken.