Morbid Truths

Time, friendship, wounds, lucky charms

Time, they say, heals all wounds. I disagree. Time only covers the wounds hiding them from sight, but the scar will always be there. The memory of how the scar was acquired will forever be burned in the back of a persons mind, reminding them of the pain they endured. Time does not heal the wound, it only acts as a distraction.

It doesn't matter how much time goes by, I am always going to hurt when I see the people I once trusted living their lives as if I'd never once been a part of it. I was a toy and I knew it. When people first met me they were intrigued, I was different and it was new to them, like a child they played with me like a shiny toy, over time the interest would die out and I was pushed aside to make room for the next big thing. It didn't take long for me to fade to the blackened shadows left to watch as everyone else had their fun, left out and excluded.

As time would go on though someone else would see me, a broken child they pitied. In my eagerness for a friend I would be blinded from anything else but "hey look someone's interested in me". But they always lost interest and with that loss I lost a little more of myself to the empty void inside of me.

"Don't make friends" a voice whispered to me at night "they'll only hurt you. If you want to survive you have to learn to stand alone." So I stopped trying. If anyone wanted to know me they'd have to put the effort in. I'd put in too much effort trying to keep things alive when they were destined to fall apart and it left me with scorch marks across my scarred heart. So I waited, instead, for someone to look at me and think "that girl looks lonely. Maybe she could use a friend." Instead of pity they'd actually care about me. What a silly wish to have.

When I think about it, friendship is a lot like a relationship, only when friendships fall apart they seem to hurt more. When a relationship crumbles you turn to friends for support, but when friendships crumble there's no one to turn to but you. In relationships there's always the idea in the back of your mind reminding you there plenty of fish in the sea and if he's not the one then there's a thousand more, but friendships are like everlasting snowflakes their uniqueness is supposed to be forever. Perhaps they hurt equally because both ways you've realized what a fool you were for putting your faith in someone only to have them crush it like bugs beneath their feet.

Above all things I've learned it's better to have never loved at all because at least you never have to hurt. If you love and lose you experience a pain so excruciating there are no words. And the worst part is it seems like no one understands. It is easier to deal with the feelings of emptiness that come with never loving at all, because at the end of the day the loneliness becomes your closest friend regardless. 

I don't know who comes up with these philosophical quotes about love and life but I have to ask what kind if crack they were on and where can I get some. They don't seem to know love or life at all. Love is pain and life is morbid. You live, you love, and then you die. And in between you try to make the most of your time expecting your name to be engraved in the stars and people to tell your story until the end of time. But once your dead it's like you never existed, people move on, your story is buried six feet under, shriveling up right beside your decomposing body. I don't see anything philosophical about that.

Perhaps I am being to negative and depressing. Love can be a great thing for a while, but eventually you change. You still love your companion to the ends of the earth but the love has lost its luster. The spark that once had the strength to short a city now could barely short a lightbulb. Eventually love becomes tiring. Always stuck in the same trench never moving forward.

Life is a morbid thing. So smile like you disagree, wipe the tears and dry your eyes because reading this wasn't worth your time. If you feel upset or offended remind yourself these are just words on paper. Words with no backbone. And then burry yourself further in the lies society has provided and live your life sheltered from the miserable side of things.

Because this is the morbid truth. If you were looking for rainbows, sunshine, and a pot of shimmery gold, check a box of lucky charms.