You wish you knew me now (editing)

Chapter 24

-Flashback ends

I hadn't realised the tears streaming down my eyes, as i stared blankly at my daughter. Who was now wide awake, staring at me curiously? I examined her expression, which looked so sad. I could tell she sensed my mood.

She tilted her head getting a better view of me. I let out a weak laugh, which she didn't buy. She pouted her lips, while her bottom lips quivered from fear. Fear from the unknown reason of her mother tearing up in front of her. A childs bond of her mother is strong, as a child feels the pain and sorrow that her mother feels. But i heard it was all a myth.

She began to cry quietly as she stared up at me, which made me tear up. I let my tears which consumed within me pour out. I may be growing but that doesn't mean I'm strong. I need James more than I think I do. I need him more than life itself.

I hadn't realised that everything which affects me emotionally, affects my daughter. I scooped her up hugging her to my chest. Now I realise its not myth its true. My daughter feels the pain I have felt.

I cried my morning away, finally drowning in tears over my sorrow, while my daughter held onto me with her life.

...................

"James what the hell. I'm turning 21, chill out will you" I swatted his hands away. All the excitement coming off from him was giving me a head.

He's more excited about my 21st birthday than i am. To be honest i had forgotten today's my birthday. Since I met Adam everything that i was planning on doing or was thinking about flew out of my mind. Adam actually stresses me .

"I don't care we need to go shopping ASAP and I mean It." he said sternly. Looking at his list of equipment needed and the snacks we need to buy.

"ASAP?" I laughed hysterically. "When did you turn 16?" i snorted, while my laughter sent me to the floor. My stomach was hurting so badly that I was clutching onto my stomach.

"Shut up" he mumbled. "Anyway yesterdays little drama with Taren and stuff got out of hand. So to make myself relax throwing an extravagant party would make me happy" He smiled, helping me up.

"Fine, you better have bought me something nice" I fluttered my eyes.

"Fluttering your eyes makes you look weird" he said innocently. I glared at him, composing my posture. "Well I got you-" I cut him short from his words.

"I don't want to know. It's supposed to be a surprise?" I shot at him.

I hated when surprised are spoilt. I may say I want to know, but the suspense is much better. I think being patient is one thing that makes me, me. Patience is what my father taught me to be.

He would always tell me that, if I'm patient, at the end of the road my patience will be worth the wait. But I want to question my father, my patience with my brother, sister, mother and mate, is worth the wait. I would say no. I hated it. I disagreed on my father's teaching on so many levels. Questioning if his teachings were right.

But guess what? He has been right all along. Being patient to those who I loved has definitely worked off. Now they are begging on the knees for me to forgive them and love them like I once had.

My father is always right, my wolf added. I smiled at her comment. Because everything my father has said is right. Respect, love, patience, and all his teaching has been right.

We all must suffer to understand these words with much love. If we haven't been through torture, pain we don't understand what the word love means, or what the word patience means.

My father prepared us for the time. How much I miss my father is an understatement.

"You okay boo boo?" Jamed questioned with such concern, that it made my heart melt. He searched my eye for any obvious emotions, but I looked towards the floor.