It was two days after Christmas and we were finally going to celebrate the holiday together. Luke had been busy training to get back in the octagon and celebrating Christmas with his family. While I had been preoccupied with my new friends and family festivities. Neither had made much of an effort to see each other on the actual holiday. Something that should be a big red flag for our 'relationship' but clearly we both didn't want the trouble that would come with acknowledging it. So we didn't. Instead we planned our celebration for a day that we both had 'off.'
But I knew that our Christmas celebration would never really happen. We probably wouldn't make it to the new year as a "couple." Things were changing between us. We both wanted different things and we knew it. That's why I stopped staying at his house. That's why I stopped religiously replying to his texts. That's why I started liking and commenting on Wilmer's Instagram pictures. That's why I started texting Wilmer every morning to ask him how he was and what he was up to, even if he didn't respond.
He wasn't even on his way to my new place and we were already arguing. I wanted him to come have lunch here and then we would go and have dinner with my family. My idea of trying to make it work. If only so I wouldn't spend New Years eve alone. I wanted to have someone to kiss when the ball dropped. I needed this relationship to last till then. Even if I knew it wouldn't come close to how magical last years New Years celebration had been. I still remember the feeling of love in the air. The anticipation of what 2016 would bring as I cuddled into Wilmer's arms and watched the ball drop in New York's time square. I don't know how I allowed what we had to crumble. I still can't put into words why I ran.
"Why are you liking his pictures so much? Are you stalking him now? What, you want him back?" Luke pressed, and I knew he was pacing. He had been asking me questions like this for the past fifteen minutes, ever since I answered his call.
"No, but we're friends, Luke. You know that. I don't see what the big deal is they're just a few pictures," I responded, trying not to raise my voice because my sisters were downstairs. Ever since the breakup, they've been suspicious of every single guy that I've talked to, and I know why. Everyone in my family is still team Wilmer. His family is still team demi. And we're both just stuck in the middle.
"Just friends?" "Yes Luke just friends" "then why in the hell is he still calling your stupid dog his son?!" My previously calm attitude takes a quick shift and responding calmly is no longer an option. "Don't call Batman stupid. You're the one being stupid right now. He bought me Batman. He took care of him while I was away on tour. So yes he gets to call him whatever he wants" I yell. "even stupid" he sneers. Being civil is out the door. "He wouldn't call him that because he loves him and he's not an asshole" I yell as I hit end and toss my phone onto the bed.
"You know this house has great acoustics, right?" Dallas questions as she enters my room. I try not to roll my eyes at her because she's not the one that I'm mad at, but it's incredibly hard.
"Go away," I respond as I try to fight back my tears. It's so stupid that I'm about to cry over what Luke said and he probably doesn't even care. Well, I know he doesn't care. He never apologizes when he hurts my feelings and he knows when he does. That's the worst thing about it. And all I can think about is how Wilmer would never treat me the way that he does, even if he was mad at me.
"I'll go away once I've said my peace" "whatever" "I know I'm not an expert in love and relationships, but what you and Wilmer had was special. Don't roll your eyes Demi just hear me out please" "Okay" "I used to be so jealous of what you and him had. I mean this guy saw all the bad shit you did and he still stayed. You saw beyond the immature bachelor that everyone labeled him as and fell in love with him despite all the warnings from all of us. I just want to you to remember why fought so hard for him because I think you forgot. You forgot how good you were. You let the world burst your bubble and not once tried to rebuild it. And all the guys you're dating, they'll never measure up to Wilmer. Believe me. I learned that the hard way when I let Mike go. It's too late for me, but you, you still have time to fix it Demi. Don't let your dumb ass pride get in the way of your happiness." "Thanks Dal"
And I was thankful for what she said to me. It brought things home for me. It's what I've been thinking all along while being single but hearing it out loud made me realize how true it was. Wilmer knew me for six years. He learned everything about me and I learned everything about him. And it would probably take anyone else ten years to figure me out. I let Wilmer go but I can get him back. He said before I left that if I ever wanted to come back, I could. And I wanted to. I wanted to give him everything that he had patiently been waiting for: the wedding, the babies...I wanted to give him all of it. And there was nothing stopping me except for myself
Without stopping to think or analyze the consequences of my next move I grab my keys and bid my shocked family a quick goodbye. Dallas gave me a knowing smile and a discreet thumbs up as I grabbed Batman from her arms. I winked at her and practically ran to my car. I drove like a bat out of hell to what was once our place. Doubts didn't begin to set in until I got closer to the house. I turned the radio on to distract myself and calm my nerves because the way I was stating to feel would soon force me to turn the car around. What if he didn't want me anymore? What if I showed up and Minka was there? What if he laughed in my face as he told me 'I told you so? I put my signal to turn left and away from his place when Ed's song 'thinking out loud' came on. And it was like a sign from God because that was the song Wilmer and I often slow danced to. The fireplace would be roaring, lights dimmed, ed's voice serenading us as we danced. My cheek resting against his chest as Wilmer would sing along to the song. It was going to be our wedding song. I turn the signal off and push forward. It's time to get my man back. It's time to fight for my happily ever after.
"Demi?" He's surprised to see me but I'm more surprised that he opened the door so fast.
"Wilmer, hi!" I breathed out, because I did just rush out of my car carrying a small dog who was squirming in my arms trying to get to his dad.
"Um, I thought you'd want to see Batman," I said, because I didn't know how to tell him that I wanted him back, that I wanted us to pick up where we left off.
"Yeah, come in," he said, moving out of the way so that I could enter. I had put my own personal touch on his house and he hasn't changed anything. The ornaments I bought last year were in the tree. The ridiculously expensive fur throw was lazily tossed on the leather couch. Some of our pictures were still up. It was like I never even left
"I see that you managed to decorate the tree somewhat presentable" I joke as I make my way to the living room and sit on the couch we picked out last year. "Ha ha. Tadao helped me. But I will admit that we found a picture of last years' tree and just tried to copy it. Glad you approve. I was actually going to take it down today" "but we always leave it up until after New Years" I say sadly. My cheeks heating up when I realize I said 'we'. He smiles at me but doesn't respond as he gives all his attention to a very excited Batman. My smile turns into a scowl as I remember how rough Luke was with Batman. Always making fun of the way I treated him. He used to excuse his rough play with having to make Batman a strong dog because I was making him a wimpy dog. I was too stupid to see that he was just an asshole. "What's that scowl for?" Wilmer questions as he places a kiss on Batman's head and puts him down so he can explore. "Oh nothing just a bad memory, no big deal. So how have you been?" "Good. Tired from all the work but grateful. You know how it is" "that I do" we fall into an awkward silence as I find myself at a loss for words. How does one ask their ex for another chance? "Thanks for bringing Batman. Him and his Christmas outfits were missed by all this year" "you're welcome. Did you see the costumes he wore this year? I posted them on Instagram?" Duh he did Demi, remember he commented. I silently berate myself as I'm sure my cheeks grow pinker by the second. I tend to have word vomit when I'm nervous. "Yeah, you okay? You're all flushed" "umm I guess. I was wondering-" "yo Wilmer you ready to go?" I flush even pinker as Tadao walks in and stops in surprise as he sees me back in this house. I still remember our last encounter. 'Don't come back unless you mean to stay forever' he told me as he helped me load the last of my bags in my car. I didn't respond. Instead I gave him a hug and drove away. "Hi Demi. Sorry bro I didn't meant to interrupt" "hi Tadao and it's okay. Actually I'm the one interrupting your plans. So I'll just grab Batman and go" "don't go. Tadao go ahead and go without me. We'll catch up" they have a silent conversation and Wilmer nods and Tadao shrugs and then he leaves. "You didn't have to cancel Wilmer. I could've come back another day" "I didn't want you running out the door again. So what were you saying" "I was wondering if you wanted to maybe-" "Batman! You don't potty on daddy's rug!" I watch as Wilmer rushes to clean up the mess Batman left, while Batman hides under the couch. "Batman come here boy. I'm not going to spank you " Wilmer cajoles as he tries to grab Batman and show him where the pad is. "He's shaking like a leaf. Demi, did you take up spanking him while you've been gone?" He questions as he cuddles batman. "No" I murmur. While I silently add, I haven't but Luke is another story. I stopped leaving Batman with Luke when I walked in on him hitting Batman with a newspaper because he had peed on the carpet. "So what were you saying?" "I should just go. Batman needs to be walked and I haven't had lunch" "you came here for a reason what was it?" "I'll text you later" "just tell me now" "I'll call you later okay?" I say as I take Batman out of his arms. "Demi just tell me now" "I'll come back tomorrow Wil"
"No, NOW" "FINE, I came to say that I want there to be an us again! Happy? I huff out as I put Batman on the floor because with all the wiggling he's doing I'll drop him.
"Very" he murmurs as he takes me into his arms and places a kiss upon my lips. A content sigh leaving my lips as I feel the peace I had been searching for with all those men finally fall upon me. Silly me, all along it had been right in front of me but I had been so busy or to eager to see if the other side was greener to notice it. Never again will I let our love go I promise myself as I snuggle deeper into his arms.
We are brought back to reality by the chime on his phone. "Aren't you going to get that" I joke when his arms only tighten around me. "No. I'm pretty sure that's Tadao asking if we will be joining him" "we huh?" "Yup. He knew I wasn't going to let you out of this house without putting our ring back on your finger. Besides you actually beat me by one day." "What do you mean?" I question as I reluctantly pull away to look into his eyes. "I had to plans to march over to your house and demand you come home with me tomorrow " "demand, really?" "Demand, beg, same difference" he jokes. "Funny. You're a funny man. Tell Tadao we'll meet him in a few" "but I wanted to make up for lost time" he pouts. "And we will tonight." "But baby" " we have our whole lives to make up for my stupidity baby. Just be patient" "forever?" He whispers excitedly. "Forever" I echo back.
