I am so sorry...

I am so sorry for everything that I've ever done to make you hate me and give up on me. I never meant to be the one who was so different and such a disappointment to everyone just because I didn't appreciate the way you treated my sisters and my mum.

Look at me now dad. Are you proud of your precious child? Are you proud that you turned your back and made me feel so small? Are you proud that you made me feel so useless and you played tricks on my mind? For so long I thought you cared and would come back and hug me tight and tell me it was all alright, but you never did. I pretended to hate you when this all first started happening but now those feelings are real. I hate you for turning away and letting your mum and dad tell me I was a bitch and that they wanted nothing to do with me. Thank you for making me see that I was never meant to be in this world.

Look at me now mum, this is not your fault. I just couldn't take all this pain if feeling so ashamed. I could never do anything right, I always felt alone and I wanted to talk I just couldn't hurt you more. I'm sorry for letting you down, but im just not a fighter, I was too weak too cope, I know you thought I was stronger. Mum please believe me when I tell you this is not your fault, it's society who made me feel I wasn't good enough. It always said that I was going to fail in life just because I struggled to try and get things right. I wasn't confident, I couldn't speak up, I couldn't take the favouritism and lies people were telling me. Maybe one day the girls will understand that I was born at the wrong time and in the wrong place.

To all my friends I know you thought I'd make it but the truth is I just couldn't take it. I don't feel like I'm good enough to stay, I feel so out of place. I really want to say I'm so sorry, this was hard for me and surely hard for you but please believe me when I say how much it meant to me to have you by my side, I know it wasn't easy. You will be okay and you'se will make it through. It may not be easy but I know you can do it. I'm sorry for giving up but I couldn't do it, I didn't belong anywhere and was never going to fit into this world, I hope you'se can understand. I am truly sorry.

Please friends and family forgive me for this, I just don't belong here, it's not my place... I know it will be hard but please believe me no one was to blame it's just societies ways. They made me feel so small, like I wasn't good enough... Just because of who I was and what I was doing. I was hard for me to deal with being pushed away by family I thought were supposed to care. I'm sorry if I've let you down and disappointed you, but I was born in the wrong time and the wrong place. And if there us a God I hope he realised that what he put me through was too hard. I thought he knew us all and how much we could do but I guess he didn't see that in me... If I go to Heaven or if I go to Hell I'll be watching over you all. Please don't cry it just wasn't my time, I love you all and the fact you stuck with m it really meant alot.

Just a final time to say I'm truly sorry. Please don't cry for me I'm nothing to dwell on. I'm a waste of space and a nobody so please don't worry, this is what is best for me.

I'm so so sorry... Michaela x