Catch Me

January 12, 2014.  (Around) 1am 

"Look, Lose my number, and don't ever talk to me again, I have my reasons why I don't want to talk to you. Just go fuck with someone else."

And with that ? My world collapsed, was shattered. 

Its funny how someone you cared about with so much passion and determination that you guys would last forever, would be the one who made you feel ... delerious. 

Well, My dear. I'm here to tell you that fairy tales don't happen and love doesn't last. Well, atleast thats how it feels. Im sitting at the edge of the window pane wondering if I jump if it would hurt. I took that chance with you and well, I can tell you, when they say "You won't feel a thing, It'll be quick" was all a lie. I fell for you, and at the last moment? You moved your arms and let me crash to the ground. 

It felt like my whole entire chest was being ripped apart by different autopsy tools and its funny. Because the same person I gave my ALL to, the same person that I cared, loved, and was fucked over by was the same person doing all the killing, inside me. 

Its killing me because, I know I didn't do anything wrong and to be accused or be held accountable for something that I didn't do hurts. To break my heart because your wasted and your delusional mind wants to play tricks on you is very spiteful. 

I feel helpless. Like no amount of tears will help me eleviate the pain thats in my heart. I can't call him because he just ignores me, and I can't talk to no body because everyone thats close to me, either committed suicide or is far away. 

LIFE. IS. FUCKING. SHIT. right now. 

*Sighs* God has everything happen for a reason, and maybe the reason was because god was trying to save my heavy heart for someone who was actually worth it ? ehh? SMH. Still, that doesn't help the fact that im beyond hurt. I feel like I can't function right. I just want to curl up in a little ball and never wake up, move, or breathe again. I want happiness but why is it never working out the way I want it to? I have this curse where I'm nothing but caring. A million boys could break my heart but I could never turn into a cold hearted bitch and start breaking hearts to seek out revenge because of what happened to me. 

I don't know, I guess its because I fucking care to much because I know how it feels. 

But somewhere in anothers eyes, I am beautiful, I am perfect and I am worth it. Why is it so hard to find him? Until then I am broken, I am alone, and I am myself. And the only person I can be.  

SMH, Im sorry we had to start off on a rough note but hey, now you you see what rough patch I'm going through, what a lot of girls go through when in a heart break. 

Hi, 

Im Vivian. And this is my life blog of a broken hearted girl.