The Disastrous Life of Saiki Kusuke (Saiki Kusuo no Psi-nan fanfiction)

Act 1 Scene 1

It was a night rife with roaring thunders and howling tempest in which two young men met at a park and conspired. It was not a night in which ordinary, sensible people venture outdoors, and indeed the two young men were anything but ordinary, for one was a super genius and the other a superbly popular actor. Furthermore, both harboured an unhealthy obsession towards their own younger siblings.

What led to such a worrisome meeting? Was it pure coincidence? Or was it an act by the divine powers? Or was it a Machiavellian mechanisation of the Dark Reunion?

Saiki Kusuke was strolling in that park when he stumbled upon a seething Teruhashi Makoto. Kusuke first heard the footsteps, and then snapped his head to the direction of the sound. The darkness of the night had prevented him from identifying the being that made the sound, but a lightning flash conveniently arrived and briefly illuminated the park, revealing the horrid form of Teruhashi Makoto.

Teruhashi Makoto had bloodshot eyes, popped veins, and dishevelled hair; tears, snot and saliva streamed out of his facial orifices like the Niagara falls. He bumbled with the purposefulness of a drunkard and the liveliness of a zombie while his clothes reeked of vomit and something that resembled a cockroach leg was on his cheek.

There was a sound of thunder.

And so they met, just according to plan. The Teruhashi Makoto at that park was quite a stark contrast to the charming, suave and composed personality of the actor Mugami Touru, but his distraught state would work in the favour of Kusuke.

"Fortune is merry, and in this mood will give us anything." Kusuke could not help but smirk.

"Good evening, what a night this is! Oh dear, aren't you Mugami Touru?"

The said actor slowly raised an accusing finger at Kusuke, all the while glaring at him with intoxicated eyes, and then slurred—

"Whuuattt are u doin' in Kokkkooooomi's paaaarrrrkkk???"

"You look mightily distressed! Let us sit down and talk, it might make you feel better." Kusuke flashed his angelic smile that charmed all but Kusuo and then grabbed the actor's limp arms, dragging him to the nearest bench illuminated by a lone lamppost.

As soon as they sat down the actor blew his nose with his bare left hand, and when the actor's left hand left his nose a thick, yellowish slime of mucus, glued at both ends to his nostril and his thumb, stretched out as if it was resistant to the force of gravity—not dissimilar to the manner of stretched cheese when one takes a slice of pizza. Kusuke, fighting the urge to recoil in disgust, offered the distraught actor a pack of tissue paper. The actor snatched the pack and wiped his hand and nose with the pack itself without opening it, coating the pack in a yellow sludge, although the tissue paper inside was probably clean. Then the actor opened his mouth to speak—sobbing words punctuated by ragged breathing.

Teruhashi Makoto, in his distressed and vulnerable state, had forgotten to ask for Saiki Kusuke's identity and the fact that Kusuke did not reply to his earlier question. Teruhashi Makoto, in his distressed and vulnerable state, told a complete stranger his heart-breaking tale of being rejected by his sister.

Earlier that day, the actor returned home after an exhausting and disastrous day at filming ended prematurely. Teruhashi Makoto had a really miserable day, starting in the morning; on his way to work he stepped on a brown pile of rancid mush known as anteater poop. Makoto was not looking down on the road, for he was the kind who held his head up proudly, when he suddenly heard a noise that squished and plopped. He lowered his head, and to his abject horror, his beloved sneaker (a birthday present from his sister) was covered in a pungent brown stain, a stain not dissimilar to a chocolate left in the fridge for ten years.