Chapter 1

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  • Dedicated to all my twitter favs, you know who you are :)
                                    

"Okay, this track sounds really good. We can finish most of the vocals tomorrow," I say to Phil, throwing my pen onto the desk and leaning back into my chair. "Ugh, I didn't realize how fucking tired I am."

"Go home, dude. You've been here since like 4 o' clock this morning," Phil says to me. "Go. Surprise Jess, didn't you tell her you'd be home at like 2 AM?"

"Yeah, she said she'd wait up for me too."

"Gonna get some tonight?" he laughs as he nudges my arm.

"Damn right," I say as I pick up my keys and head towards the door, Phil right behind me. "Tomorrow, 3 o' clock?"

"Sounds good. See you then," he responds.

"Alright, bye man," I tell him, climbing into my car and putting the key into the ignition.

I make the 40-minunte drive home, looking forward to seeing Jessica and being in bed with her. Feeling her warmth, touching her face. Being intimate with her.

I climb out of the car, swinging my keys in one hand as I hold my phone with another. I open up my twitter app, tweeting something random and replying to a few fans. As I send the last tweet, I open the door to the house and kick off my shoes. I turn the corner, expecting to see Jessica there, waiting for me in the living room.

When I see that she's not there, I start to make my way back to the bedroom. Maybe she fell asleep. Geronimo starts to whimper behind me, a sound he only makes when he knows that something's up. And then, I hear a sound. A faint moan, a collection of harsh breaths, one after another. I laugh to myself. She couldn't have waited for me? Oh well, at least now she'll be ready for me.

I slowly open the door. I cannot find the words to explain or display my level of shock, anger, or loss of trust in that moment.

I see Ryan lying under my girlfriend, hands on her hips, his lips possessing hers. They move in a circular motion as she grinds on him, her hands in his as she does so. I stand, in utter shock and disbelief, staring at the scene for what seems like minutes. But when I hear another sound escape Jess' lips, I burst into the room.

"What the fuck?!" I scream. "Are you two motherfucking kidding me right now?" I yell at the top of my lungs.

Jessica quickly leaps up off of the bed with the blanket around her, obviously scared shitless. She should be.

Ryan climbs off of the bed directly after her, stepping onto the floor on the other side and stepping into his shorts. As he does so, I'm practically sprinting across the room to get to him. I shove my arm against his neck, forcing him back up against the far wall. "What the fuck, dude. Are you fucking high right now? You're lucky I don't have a fucking -"

"Whoa, whoa, bro, chill out, I can expl-"

"No you fucking can't!" My fist comes down onto his face, leaving a noticeable mark from my ring. "Jesus Christ, there's absolutely no fucking acceptable explanation for this!" I punch him again, "at all!" and again, "How long has this shit been going on?!" and again. I can't control the volume of my voice at this point. I'm screaming into his face with no restraint. "How dare you come into my fucking house, and fuck with my fucking girl?!" My fist is aching, but I continue to swing. "Just get the fuck out of my god damn house before I fucking kill your ass. I don't ever want to see your ugly face again."

I step back, holding my hands at my sides in fists. He quickly dashes past me, collecting his shirt and covering his bleeding nose with it. He dashes out of the room, passing Jessica on the way out. He slows his pace as he passes her, making eye contact with her.

"Don't fucking look at her! Ever again!" I yell at him, throwing my phone at his head, cracking the screen on impact. "Get the fuck out!"

He runs out of the room, and soon I hear the sound of the front door closing.

We are alone. She stands there naked, covering herself with nothing but a thin blanket, for what seems like hours. I stand, staring at her, speechless. She's the first of us to speak.

"Bruno... I'm... I'm sorry..." she whispers, obviously on the brink of tears.

"No you're not," I reply calmly. "If you were sorry you wouldn't have done this in the first place."

"I didn't want -"

"What? What didn't you want, Jessica? Did you not want me to find out this way? Or at all? What the fuck did you think was gonna happen?!" As I speak, my voice rises. "Do you think I'm fucking stupid? Did you think this would go on forever and I would never find out? What -"

"I didn't know how to tell you!" she interrupts, "Please, please listen to me! I didn't know it was gonna go this far! I didn't want it to! It just did!"

"How the fuck does this just "happen", Jessica? I'll tell you how: it doesn't. Jesus Christ, I knew something was going on. I should've listened to what people were trying to tell me."

She's silent. "...well??" I ask, expecting a response that could somehow make this all okay.

"I don't know what to say-"

"That's because there's nothing you can say. There's not a fucking thing you can say that could make this better. And you know it. You fucking betrayed my trust. I gave you every fucking thing I could, and this is how you repay me. I can't even think straight right now."

"I'm sorry..." she attempts to tell me again.

"Shut the fuck up," I tell her, obviously shocking her. That's something I've never said to a woman before. "It's bad enough that I caught you fucking with someone who I thought was one of my best friends, don't make this any worse than it already is by lying to my god damn face."

For the next 15 minutes, neither of us says a word. I turn to face the window, not wanting to make any more eye contact with the woman that broke my heart further than it already was; only a month after it was broken from my mother's passing. Now, both of the women of my life have either left me or betrayed me. I have nothing left.

I wipe the single tear that had been slowly making its way down my cheek, punching the window, shattering it into hundreds of pieces, opening wounds all over my fist. I punch out the remaining pieces, again, and again, until no trace of the window is left in the windowsill.

I hold my bloody hand to my chest, turning around to slowly face Jessica, who wears a terrified expression.

"Get the fuck out," I say menacingly, "I want you gone. Take anything you've ever brought into this fucking house and get the fuck out of it."

"Bruno... please..." she begs.

"Now!" I yell, louder than I've ever yelled before. "Don't take anything I've bought you. That shouldn't leave you with much to carry out."

Her face falls in an instant as what I say sinks into her skull. She turns away from me and starts to cry as she picks up her clothes, stepping into them as she makes her way out of the bedroom and to the front door. I hear the door slowly making its way closed, and I finally hear the click of the knob.

I move into the kitchen, opening the freezer and taking 2 bottles of whiskey out of it. I open the top of one and take a drag. Damn, it's strong. I want this. I need it.

The next 2 hours are a blur. I can tell you I flipped over the bed he fucked her in. I pushed over the dresser at the front of the room, knocking over several pictures of past experiences with the woman I thought loved me, all useless wastes of film now. And I know I deleted both of their numbers from my phone. But what now? What the fuck do I do now? What can I do?

I look at my phone, from which I recently deleted the numbers, and see a familiar name open on the contact list.

Janelle.

Janelle. Shit, I haven't talked to her in ages. What happened between us? We nearly fucked when we toured together. At the time I had hoped that she would make the first move between the two of us. It never happened, though. I had found what I thought was happiness. Jessica.

I press the "call" button next to her name, putting the phone up to my ear, and listening to the ringing of the tone.

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