snowflakes ⇢ ashton irwin {au} ⇢ christmas special

five: how?

CHAPTER FIVE:

| ashton’s pov |

I looked around the room from my new bed, a hospital bed. Everything around me was white. The walls, the sheets, the snow, and even myself- I was pale. 

I could feel myself become sick to the stomach from this color, but I couldn’t bring myself to even make a sound, or even move, anymore. It hurt far too much.

“His health has dropped; I’m afraid he wouldn’t even be here for Christmas,” the doctor informs, his supposed hushed voice was filling the room. 

Next thing I heard was my mum’s wails and pleas. She was begging the doctor to do all that they can. But I knew I would disappear soon enough, and I was happy. I wouldn’t feel anything anymore.

I wouldn’t feel the pain. I wouldn’t see the blood. I wouldn’t hear of how vulnerable I’ve become. I wouldn’t think of Charlotte.

Sometimes, I would cry myself to sleep. Because maybe, just maybe, if I was strong enough, I wouldn’t be stuck in this place. I wouldn’t be left all alone.

The doctor went out of the room, and my mum rushed over to hold my hand, “Just keep fighting, Ash. I know you can do it. Live.”

Finding no strength to make a response, I looked at her blankly. I couldn’t feel any sadness; it was all just pain. Physical pain and emotional pain were the only things I truly felt.

I lost the will to live anyway, so it didn’t matter anymore. 

Because how can I keep fighting, if the reason I wanted to live was gone?

She stopped fighting.