Last Christmas (Book 1 in the Christmas Series)

Chapter Three

The snow drifted softly to the ground outside my window, flakes landing on the ledge outside and merging together to form a huge lump of snow. Watching the snow fall, watching as it became something almost indescribable, was memorising to me. It made me forget what I was doing, allowed me to pause, think for a moment. It almost made me change my mind.

Almost.

I knew the moment I had started packing that there was a lot I was going to miss about home. The snow which fell constantly, no matter the time of year, the cold chill in the air and the sounds of utter silence. Peace that could only come from an abandoned landscape. But despite all that, despite the things that made me want to stay, I knew I couldn't. I needed to find out whether I belonged in the North Pole, or whether there was something beyond it, something better. Finding out where I belonged was far more important than the little things that made home, well, home.

When I made my ultimate decision to leave, I was re-evaluating my entire life, wondering whether or not this was just a place. A place I grew up in, that a new. It didn't feel like a home anymore and, to me, having a home was much more important than just a place. Just being in the moment rather than going through the motions. I wanted to live in the moment all the time, I wanted to have the experiences I would remember for a lifetime, rather than events that occurred that I didn't think twice about. Events that had little to impact on my life.

So, as I packed up the last of my stuff, my T-Shirts and jeans, I ignored the snow that fell outside, I ignored the cold wind as it wiped through my room, and the silence that fell around me became unnoticeable. Like they were never there. Forgetting about these things, if only for a moment, made it easier for me to concentrate, easier for me to remember the real reason why I was going. The road ahead was going to be a tricky one, but it was the path I needed to take. Who knew what would have happened if I didn't.

With the last of stuff packed up, I struggled to close the zip on my suitcase, resorting to lying across the top in an attempt to pin it down and close it properly. The first suitcase hadn't been that hard to close because I hadn't exactly gotten my planning right when it came to distributing my clothes. There were more in the second suitcase than in the first. I should never have been allowed to pack by myself, things were going to go wrong from the get go.

"I don't get why you're going," Nick said, leaning against my door frame and watching me struggle. He could have come forward and helped, but no, Nick wanted to watch me struggle. Great little brother he was.

"You wouldn't," I said, peering through the curtain of white-blonde hair that had fallen in front of my face. Maybe tying it up would have been better, at least that way it wouldn't be plastered to my forehead with sweat.

"Why not? I'm only five years younger than you!" he protested, slamming his foot down the ground.

"Look, Nick, I'm not saying you wouldn't get it because of how old you are, you wouldn't get it because you have a place here. You are destined to take over from papa when he retires, I've got nothing going for me. This is the one chance I'm gonna get to look at things from a new angle. To decide whether or not I come back. Who knows, maybe there is something out there for me," I shrugged, forcing the zip on my bag shut.

"You're right, I don't understand." With that, Nick turned on his heels and ran downstairs, probably to play on his games console or something.

I stepped away from my suitcase, blowing hair our of eyes and stared at the spot my brother had stood in only moments before, trying to understand just what had happened. Normally Nick had some kind of comment to make, a sarcastic, unfunny remark that would resort to me chasing him away. Instead, he just left. Ever since I had announced my decision to leave for a few months, everything was different around the house. Nick no longer made jokes at my expense, papa left me alone and barely spoke two words to me and mama looked like she was going to burst into tears whenever she looked at me.