CHAPTER 31
JOYCE POV
A few months have already passed. Lexi and I are in our freshman year in college, Rick is in his sophomore year. Unlike high school, you get more sense of freedom in college. You’re free to do whatever you want. No one forces a certain standard or norm on you. You can be alone for all the world to care. And that’s what I preferred. To be alone. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an unhealthy psycho alone. I mean I still have my two best friends in the world, Lexi and Rick. But other than them, I keep to myself. I don’t want to add to my family’s problems. I avoid showing my family how lonely I get at times. I never talked about Kris anymore even with Tita Tracy. Like I said, we have to prioritize Anne. So far, she’s been doing well. No more episodes of depression. A little manic but it’s manageable.
Am I ok? I don’t know the answer myself. I get through the day. I get on with my lfe. To everyone it may seem that I'm ok. But things are always different at night. It is the only time I can really express how I feel. I silently cry. It’s cathartic for me. Honestly, I’m not happy…but I force myself not to dwell on that. For now my happiness has to take a back seat first. But I’m always holding on to the faith that someday things will fall into place. Someday I know I will be happy again. Someday…
Before I knew it, another year has passed. January 24. I’m all alone in the house. They took Anne out for dinner. Although they asked me to join them, I’d rather be alone tonight. Alone to ponder my thoughts and my feelings. Kumusta na kaya si Kris? Will he ever go back here? Will he stay there for good? Is he with someone now? I don’t think I’ll be able to blame him if he is. I don’t think I’ll ever be mad at him. After all, it’s my fault. I drove him away. But I’m still hoping that he will wait. After all, we both promised to wait.
January 24…the most special day for us…for me… I suddenly found my pain unbearable. This time I cried my heart out…alone…
Ye ye POV
I worry about Joyce. Ever since she came to live in my house and took care of Anne, I’ve never really had the chance to talk to her. To get to know her. God knows, I’ve driven her away for the most part of her life. Unang una, dahil sa galit ko sa parents niya. Pangalawa, nang dahil sa kondisyon ni Anne. Sa kabila ng lahat, ni hindi ko man lang naramdaman sa kanya na nagtanim siya ng galit sa akin. I never expected her to put this family before first anything else, but she did...even if it’s at the expense of her own happiness.
Her own happiness…No matter how hard she tries to hide it and to pretend that she’s ok, I know that she’s not. I can see it in her eyes. I can feel it. Call it grandfather’s intuition. No matter what the situation is, there will always be a different bond between a lolo and his apo. So I decided to go home after dinner. I asked Tracy to take Anne out somewhere for a while. Joyce and I badly need to have this long overdue lolo-apo moment.
I went to her room. I was just about to knock on her door but from the outside I could already hear her crying. I’ve never heard her cry. I’ve always known her to be this strong person. No matter how many times I’ve hurt her emotionally with my indifference, not once did I see her cry. But hearing it for the first time…it’s breaking my heart. I entered the room and sat down beside her. I understand that now is not the time for words. So I just laid her head on my shoulder and simply held her while she cried.
JOYCE POV
I thought I was alone until I felt Lolo embraced me while I cried. This time I didn’t even stop the tears from falling. I couldn’t even if I wanted to.
Joyce: Lolo…
Ye ye: Apo, don’t hold it back. Let it out. Cry all you want. Andito lang si Lolo.
