Wandering

Day 231

I’ve been trying to sit at my desk and complete some work at my computer, but the screen keeps changing every time I turn my head. My awareness had definitely extended. I now realize I’ve been writing this journal in an in-between place.

Day 266

I was walking through a landscape of trees and red cliff while tornadoes struck like bolts of electricity then spun like the spindles of an old weaver, before the scenery faded once again. I realized that the days I’ve been marking have nothing to do with time other than the regular cycle of experience and nothingness.

Day 284

I learned how to fly today. It was an amazing experience. Fly requires a lot of concentration to  keep yourself on course. I almost smashed into my car a few times when I lost focus. I finally realized that I have needed neither sustenance nor the... facilities in all my time here, wherever this is.

Day 297

I was riding in the backseat of someone else’s car today when the driver suddenly told me to take the wheel, despite the fact I was buckled into the back seat and so tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I must have sleep-drove, because we didn’t crash. I was wondering why I’ve been thinking that everything I’ve seen is strange. None of my experiences since I became aware would indicate that anything could be considered strange.

Day 303

I flew again today. An exhilarating thing to do. My brain tells me people can’t fly, so I must have some sub-conscious memories that I didn’t know I had that color my perception.

Day 318

Today I felt something other than my unusual serenity for the first time. That might have something to do with the giant, poisonous spiders that were chasing me, but the feeling seems to have unlocked another portion of my rational mind. Why can’t I remember my name?

Day 321

Today I tried to impress a movie star with my flying car. It was an old model-T ford with airplane wings. It shouldn’t have flown and the actor shouldn’t have disappeared half-way though the flight. How do I even know what a movie is? Every day shows more unsettling images in their deviation from reality.

Day 349

I had an out-of-body experience today. I watched from above as I fled through a deserted campground. I couldn’t see what I was running from, but I simultaneously felt detached and afraid for my  life. I’ve come tho the conclusion that I’m trapped here somehow. Only I don’t know what came before. I want out.

Day 356

Yet another day filled with impractical visions. I was swimming in an underground swimming pool large enough to fit at least ten Olympic pools. I think. All of a sudden I was alone in the pool as the water began to swirl. The whirlpool sucked me  down to the bottom of the pool then cleared up. I found I could breathe underwater. At the time being down there was peaceful, but now that it’s oer I feel uneasy because I wasn’t in control of my actions. It’s like I’m in a fog while I’m not in this in-between.

Day 360

I found myself wandering an old, run-down apartment skyscraper that was apparently abandoned part-way through construction. Through my peripheral vision, I think I saw many other abandoned buildings. I met other people there, who wore dirty clothes and lied in the ruins. I black out, and regained awareness running for my life from a couple of men. I don’t know what I did, but this experience was the closest I’ve come to losing my life, from my feeling of terror while I was there. If only I could control my own actions, I think I could begin to figure out what’s happened to me.

Day 361

I think my greater awareness in the in-between is affecting my experiences every day. Today I found myself at a bridge that seemed familiar for some reason. When I got back here and leafed through my journal I realized it was similar to one I had seen in an experience at the beginning of my time here. Something happened, I am not sure what, but I was able to consider the futility of crossing the bridge and turn my body around where I saw a fence. I began to climb it but every time that something happened as it did on the bridge, and I would actually think about where to move next to reach the top, i would find myself back at the bottom, with a slight alteration of the scenery, and I would automatically begin to climb again, that something gone. When I got back I was extremely frustrated at my body’s continuing to act on its own.

Day 362

Today I found myself wandering some research facility. Occasionally that something would appear again, letting me choose where I would go only to be thwarted once again. I despair of eer finding my way back to reality or remembering who I am, for I came to realize something is fighting against me. That would explain my foggy brain. Either that, or I’m crazy,and trapped in my own head. Neither is a heartening thought.

Day 363

I awoke in bed today, for a few precious moments thinking that I really had been dreaming. I looked at my clock and it told me that it was early morning. I stretched and thought about how strange a dream this all was and looked back at my clock, but it read several hours later than it should hae. As soon as I had that thought, I found myself back here. Though at first I was even more discouraged, but slowly it dawned on me that whatever was fogging my brain had ejected me rather than fight me as it had last time I was close to realizing where I was. There may be a way for me to fight back.

Day 364

Before I was sucked into today’s experience, I concentrated all my thoughts into becoming aware while I was in there. And it worked! I was walking around in an empty warehouse when I realized what I was doing. I controlled my own movements long enough to raise my hand and wiggle my fingers before my consciousness was forcibly pushed back into a spectator’s position while I climbed among the rafters. I feel I am getting closer to something important with this small vctory.

Day 365

I am so close to remembering who I am, I can feel it. Right after i was transported today to a balcony above a small stage I realized where I was. My own mind came to the forefront and I was able to move about on my own. I turned toward the stage and had a strange thought. If I could control myself, why not my surroundings? I concentrated all my thoughts and managed to turn the stage’s forest backdrop into a tropical island scene. Whatever presence has been fighting me returned at that point, so I let myself slide under it’s influence rather than fight it and reveal my new-found awareness. Tomorrow, I am sure, will be the day I break free entirely. I will remember my real life. It is weakening!

Dream Maker (TM) annual systems check . . .

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Active Clients . . . . . .

. . . 1/1000

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Client Diagnostics . . .

. . . All vitals Stable

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Systems Diagnostics . . . . . . . . . online

. . . Checking . . .

. . . Checking . . .

. . . 1 virus found.

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. . . Attempting cleanup . . .

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Virus eradication unsuccessful.

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. . .

System reset in progress

Day 1

I have no idea where i am. I can’t remember my name. This little journal was in my coat pocket I think I’ll write about all the strange things I see.