Human Nature: A Michael Jackson Story

It always makes me feel somewhat guilty, when I take credit for my songs. Yes, I wrote them, but I feel that I am just a courier for God. He sends his messages through me, everything I sing is placed right in front of me. I don't really have a "creative process."

I can't remember a time where I wasn't performing, or entertaining. I also can't remember a time where I was doing something, that a normal child would enjoy. I'm not saying that I didn't enjoy performing, of course I do I love it. You have to love it this much, to be in it this long. You'd go crazy if you didn't. I'm just saying, that I wish I had done more things in my childhood rather than spend it in a studio, in a plane, a hotel or on a stage. However, I also feel that I would never change a thing in my life. I love my life, exactly how it is, and everyone in it. 

In this moment right now, I'm remembering when my brothers and I left Motown-excluding Jermaine- and took part in a television show, called "The Jacksons Variety Show" during the '70's. I didn't think it was a smart career move, I thought it would take attention away from our music. It was fun, but I would rather be recording. And the costumes; I wasn't the biggest fan of them. 

One thing that bugged me though, was that Joseph brought my sisters into the show, including little Janet. I remember talking to Joseph one night, and it was turning into a heated conversation. 

"Joseph, you can't do this to Janet. She's so little, all this rehearsal is exhaustion for her. She's waking up late, she's having a hard time focusing on school work...It isn't right Joseph. Now if Rebbie and Latoya want to take part in it, then that's fine with me. But you're doing to Janet exactly what you did to me." He just stared at me, his features unmoving. He was a good business man, and he knew how to put on and keep a poker face. "Michael," he sighed. "Janet loves to perform. And I know you did too," he said in a very dull tone, as he got up to move towards the kitchen. "That's beside the point Joseph," I persisted as I followed him. "I did love it-sometimes. Other times I just wanted to sleep, or play with the other kids in tow-" "And if you had, you wouldn't have ended up where you are now, with the whole world screaming your name. If Janet has a problem with it, then she can come speak to me." He interrupted. "She won't because she's scared Joseph, you don't understand that. It's not right!" 

Right in the middle of our discussion, I heard feet padding behind me. I turned around to see Janet looking me in the eye, her little face filled with innocence. 

"Hey Janet," I said lightly walking over to her. I knelt down and hugged her for a long time. I loved Janet with all my heart. I have since the day she was born. She is my baby sister, and I wanted to protect her. And that's what I was trying to do with Joseph. 

"Why are you up so late? You can't sleep? " I asked, holding her at arms length. She shook her head. "I heard you fighting with Joseph," her soft voice said. "No Janet, we aren't fighting. We're just having a discussion," I consoled. "Were you 'discussing' me?" she asked, making air quotes with her tiny fingers. I laughed, Janet was a natural born entertainer. But those skills could be more developed later in her life, and I would help her if ever she wanted me to.  

"Yes, but nothing bad. Go back on up to bed," I said standing up, pushing her toward the stairs. "Yes, you both go to bed. We have rehearsal tomorrow, we're working on a new sketch and dance number. Janet, you're going to be doing another duet with Randy." Janet nodded her head. "Yes Joseph," she said and started on her way to the stairs. I made direct eye contact with Joseph, begging him with my eyes. "Joseph," I pleaded. He sighed, and turned is attention to his daughter. 

"Janet, would you rather sleep tomorrow? Or stay home with Mother? Or would you rather make something of yourself, and go to rehearsal tomorrow? We can replace you if you don't." That's not what I had wanted him to say in the slightest, he was practically guilting  a little child into doing something she might not want to do.