I've gone to school with Stiles my entire life and I regret every second of not knowing him. There was a part of my life where all I cared about was dating Jackson, the captain on the lacrosse team and being more superior to everyone else. I ignored anyone who didn't seem important, which included Stiles. All I knew about him was that he was on the team but never actually played and that was all I cared to know. Befriending Stiles was unintentional. I only acknowledged him because Allison, my best friend who is no longer with us was dating Scott, his best friend.
Stiles was that one in a million person that everyone would have wanted in their lives. A while ago, I was confused with what was happening around me. People were constantly getting hurt and I was overwhelmed. I didn't know why but I ended up at his house, sitting with him on his bed and seeing the look on his face, a look I've never gotten before, not even by Jackson. And it was what he said to me that night I still can't shake off. He said, "Death doesn't happen to you Lydia. It happens to everyone around you. To all the people left standing at your funeral, trying to figure out how they're going live their lives now without you in it. But do you know how I'll feel? I'll feel devastated. If you die, I will go out of my freaking mind." But instead it's me here at your funeral, losing my mind.
Over the past three years of having him in my life I slowly began to realize that to him I wasn't just a friend. I was more to him than that. I remember being in his room once and seeing all of these untouched things like a flat screen television, women's jewelry and clothing, things that he had no reason having and wondered why he did. He said that he couldn't decide what he wanted to get me for my birthday so he bought a whole bunch of things. Back then I was too stupid to realize what I had in front of me. I didn't realize it until it was too late. I can't help but feel like if I was with him that night he- that maybe I could have been able to do something. I knew he wasn't happy.
He called me the night it happened. It was too late for me to even think clearly. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was fine aside from the not sleeping, the jumpiness, the constant overwhelming crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen. Stiles had this theory that something was off with the murders that's recently occurred here in Beacon Hills and was convinced it wasn't humane. I just told him to try and get some sleep and stop worrying but I should have known that this being Stiles, he would never stop worrying. I should have been more concerned. If it were the other way around I know he'd get to me as soon as possible but all I cared about was going back to sleep. I woke up the next morning to my phone going off. It was Scott. He said that Stiles' last call was to me and asked if I knew where he was. He was missing. That entire day I searched for him regretting very second for hanging up. I was the one to find him. But Stiles wouldn't want me to be upset so instead I'm going to tell those of you who had the burden of not knowing him the things he has done for me that everyone wants someone to do for them.
A few months ago, Stiles and I got locked in the school with Derek Hale, a murderer, with some friends the night before senior prank day. Stiles spent every moment thinking about everyone's safety but himself. He was always behind me to make sure nothing happened and was the last to run out of a room so if Derek were to catch up, it would be him to get caught instead of us. He was the one with the plan that got us out. He was the one who saved us, saved me.
He was the one to find me when I would go somewhere and cry. He'd always tell me I looked beautiful when I cried and to stop frowning because someone could be falling in love with my smile. He was the one to take me to prom when my date stood me up, making me feel like the most beautiful girl there. He was the one who stayed at the hospital with me, never leaving my side. He was the one to find me when I went missing for two days. He was the one who was always there for me and I couldn't even be there for him. I know you forgive me Stiles but I am so sorry. If I could go back I would have done everything differently.
I would have been the one to find you when you were upset. I would have been the one to ask you to prom. I would have been the one to never leave your side. I would have been there the night you called. I would have been there to fight alongside you. I would have been there since the beginning. I would have been the one to say, "I love you."
