People say just be yourself.
You see thats the problem ... many people judge the way we are . Thats what i dont understand ! They tell us to be OUR SELVES and people will love us, but little do they know now and days it is difficult to be excepted by many. Its not that easy to make friends you know...
This is my story ...explaining what i have been through just to have those so called " friends" but also of how it changed my way of thinking.
3rd grade i use to love school (freaky right ?) well anyways i was always that one shy girl that noone wanted to talk to the first day . That same day i said to myself ''Talk !...Talk!..Say something ...Make new friends !! For god sake'' eventually i ended up obeying what the voices in my head where telling me. So i looked around and spotted this girl who seemed to have the same problem as i was u know... make new friends, stop being shy so i decided to walk up to her and as soon as i got to where she was at i slowly opened my mouth and said "hi".. I couldnt believe it like seriously ?! Why did my voice have to crack as soon as i spoke ?! its like my throat was trying to make itself into a knot to not let me speek !!luckily the girl was nice enough to not laugh at me, she replied a "hello". Her name was pricilla she was taller than me, had long black curly hair and she smelled like apples. Ever since that day we had become good friends she always knew what to say when i was sad or mad we both had eachothers back nomatter what and then the most horrible thing happened to us! Kids started talking behind our backs calling us ugly,dumb,scary cat's and etc. The rest of 3rd grade was like a horrible nightmare for us...
i cried and cried myself to sleep i always kept my mouth shut and never said a word to my parents about this situation i had in school with the other kids .
4th grade ; fourth grade was turning out good :) the bulliying stoped but sadly pricilla transfort schools again that left me with me,myself,and i . The first day of 4th grade was okay i talked to some of the girls ive seen last year but they wouldnt budge to be my friends until, i decided that i was done being the shy girl! i was done being alone ! i was so freaking tired of always being left out always not having that one special person i can call a ''friend''. That year i decided to become BAD . i started not doing my homework, not paying attention in class, not caring about anything , saying bad words , and misbehaving at home. When all the other kids saw what ive become they started talking to me trying to be my friends at that moment i felt so happy i felt like everyone was finally respecting me now and they did all the way till 5th grade i was popular,boys started liking me,girls started hating on me but i dint care as long as i kept the bad side going, i would keep my friends that is until 6th grade came.
6th grade i was still trying to be bad i was doing more stuff that really made me look like a bad influence now. Ive started doing drugs,skipping school , getting into fights,lying,sneaking out. Many people i knew back then in elementry school looked at me and asked " what have did u turn into ? what caused this ?'' i replied to them ''this is what yall wanted right ? Since yall never cared much about me when i would struggle to have friends!" they all looked at eachother and at that moment they realized how selfish and mean they were to me back then . some of them apoligized but others walked away .
7th i was turning out to be good again my grades were okay ,my behavior kinda changed , but i still kept on tryna be bad but not for friends no more but for popularity (to fit in) and have everyone admire me , but little by little people began to bully me again because how i acted.
At that moment i did not understand "if im good they bullie me ,if im bad they still do ?" what did they want from me ?!! I felt hopeless until i just said to myself ''you know what forget this, i always thought being cool and being loved by everyone was a good thing for me ,But in reality being cool is being smart,being nice,having nice friends that except you for who you are and if there is someone who doenst like you for YOU , then forget them they dont know what their missing out on trust me.
8th grade ; i fell down again . this time i hit rock bottom i continued with drugs i started hurting myself , i skipped school i dint do my work at all .....i was falling apart again .... my parents sure had enough of me thay they ended up sending me to rehab . i stayed there for a week or two...it was not a place for me to be... but i started realizing what i had and how much i have been taking it for granted . Think about it,i have both of my parents that love me and care about me so much that they worry about everything i do in life, but it is because they want the best for me because they love me that much to care! I have two amazing little brothers that i should be a good example for because they watch me and whatever they learn from me will be what created the person they end up to be, i have food,clothes and shelter thats alot to be thankful for. The day i finally got checked out from rehab . i set goals and one of them where to change who i am and make myself into a better person.
9th grade; im in high school now and my plans on changing has failed. once more i am being disrespectful, being late to class, not doing any work, not caring about anything! I was popular once again but for being bad ...
I had my phone taken away, my teachers where very upset with me and my parents where very dissapointed in me as well...
10th grade
Moved to a different high school and i can tell yall this, i finally changed my ways (seriously) took some time but i did it and life is so much happier knowing that i have improved in many ways .
My behavior,My grades( im even in Avid & have honor classes) , my ways of being( as in nomore selfharm, nomore drugs, nomore popularity, nomore bad side for me) are gone (:
Time has passed by quick and let me tell you, throught out that time i learned many many things like for example; you dont need a thousand friends to make you feel better especially if those so called friends cause you to do bad things just to impress them,you just need ONE and i have found that ONE special person i can call a" friend". He has helped me in changing my ways. Now that is a true friend . Someone who really wants the best for you. Not someone who is trying to take you to throught the wrong path with them. Im sure everyone out there has that ONE special friend and if not.. its okay ull find them .
