Jerkitude

Ella Not Bella

I shifted aimlessly through my new wardrobe, my fingers brushing against the fabrics as I flicked through them. Who new looking good was such a challenge? Here I couldn’t even pick out an outfit. I had to admit though, Aubrey was right, I already looked like a whole new person, and now I was ready to take the next step, I thought with a smirk, as I held up a simple, casual, strappy black dress. There was no doubt in my mind that if I had the guts to wear it, I would no longer be considered a nerd. Throwing it on, I pulled uncomfortably at the hemline, before giving up, realizing that it wouldn’t change the fact that my legs were bare.

I was startled to reality by the knocking on the door. As I opened it, Aubry’s smug expression turned to one of disbelief. “That bad?” I questioned as her mouth dropped open.

“Bad? Are you out of your mind? You look A-mazing! I can’t believe you went through with it. And here I thought I would have all this work ahead of me,” she responded, all in one breath.

I followed behind as she yanked me to the car. She had a point though. Even I couldn’t believe I was willingly going through with this. But, truth be told, if it worked, I was ready to no longer be a nerd. I might never be gorgeous like Aubrey, but I could do without the negative attention.

As I stepped from the car, I felt all eyes direct towards me. It was a feeling so foreign and yet exhilarating. Eyes had always passed over me; I was invisible, though not to the taunting and mockery directed my way. The looks I received though were not ones of disgust. It was as if time had frozen; guys paused and there eyes widened as the walked past me. I only hoped I hadn’t gone too far. Fortunately, my sunglasses hid my embarrassed, downcast eyes though nothing could hide the rising heat in my face with every glance. Letting the loose auburn curls fall forward, I hid beneath.

“Chill out. You look hot, K? So enjoy the attention,” Aubrey called out to me as she snatched my trusty glasses. “Gotta run,” she exclaimed. My vision immediately blurred a bit, but I could still clearly make out her retreating form as she ran off with my glasses in hand.

Way to feed me to the sharks, I muttered to myself. I, enjoy attention. The idea was comical. Slipping off the suede funky heeled sandal, I snatched the ballet flats I had hidden in the trunk. Walking towards the school, I saw a familiar face coming towards me, followed by entourage.

“Hey babe, so you must be new here or I definitely would have recognized you. I’m Jake, the man of your dreams.” Oh really, I smirked to myself. Any dream with him in it would surely be a nightmare, and, ironically, he certainly did not even recognize the “nerd” he had abused for the past three years. “How bout I give you a tour. You know, the janitor’s closet may not be real romantic, but it’s a great place to…get to know each other,” his voice dropped to a husky whisper as he continued. His fan club of girls surely would have melted at his sick attempt, but I, not so easily. My grin instantly dropped to one of disgust as I walked in the opposite direction, as if oblivious to his presence. An arm reached out grabbed mine, yanking me back.

As he yanked my arm, I fell into his. The feel of his firm chest pressed against mine was something all too familiar as I recalled what happened last time, or more like what nearly happened. Yet this time, I did not feel helpless or weak because I knew I had the upper advantage. He wanted me- it was apparent from the lustful look in his eyes. This time, I wasn't so sure he would hold back and the thought frightened me. Bile rose in my throat at the very thought and my fists clenched with anger. This jerk had no idea who he was dealing with.

I let myself relax into his arms and his grip on my wrist loosened. “You aren’t very good at taking no are you?” I asked coyly as my breath ticked his ear. Adrenaline rushed through me, and I acted in a manner I had never before: sexy. At least, I hope I did as I traced my fingers lightly up the back of him arm. I could feel the firm muscles beneath, but they did little to impress me.

            “What can I say? I’m a persistent guy. I get what I want.”

            My arm recoiled and snapped back, slapping his face, much to both of our surprise. “Well, I hope that answers your question,” I responded sweetly. My body briefly relaxed into my car, which firmly supported me when it seemed all else failed to. For that second, I was not the girl who had just given Jake a taste of his own medicine, but the “nerd” who stood there helplessly to the abuse. The taunts and insults never truly fell on deaf ears, and they returned to me once again, haunting me. I pressed my arms across my chest as if in protection as I pressed myself into the car beneath me, as if desperate to disappear. Staring into his beautiful blue eyes, I was reminded of the act that I must put on. His voice, usually confident and strong, wavered with a stutter. “You, you…”

                        “Hit you? Yah, I did, smart one. Keep talking, and maybe someday you'll say something intelligent. But, I wouldn’t hold your breath on that though…”

And without a further glance at Jake, I walked off, leaving him standing their stunned. I knew very well what he had been about to say, and his disbelief brought me a surge of confident. Smiling to myself, I knew I had just declared war on him. No one knew that jerk like I did, and there was no way I was going to let him walk all over me again.

            No sooner had I left Jake standing there speechlessly, I was surrounded. It seemed as if all the guys at the school had been waiting for Jake to make the first move, and he struck out- literally. Never once had my presence been acknowledged, but now everything had changed. I suppose I understood that some were afraid to stand up for me, for fear of becoming victims themselves, but that still did little to improve the shallow view I held of the students surrounding me.

            “I’m Mat! What’s your name?” asked a guy with fire red hair, who happened to be standing closest to me.

            “B…ella,” I stuttered out.

            “Nice to meet you Ella.” And, being as I was too shy to correct him, I truly adopted a new personality. I had never been in large groups before, and the the expectant eyes staring at me overwhelmed me.  My high in confidence from what happened with Jake had shattered, and I was instantly reverted back to my shy self.