Real Life Sucks

The List

Minerva McGonagall waited patiently in the Great Hall for the last stragglers to arrive. The seventh years looked singularly unimpressed. She could see that her speech from the morning before had mostly worn off. She surveyed the group – relatively small, only thirty students – before addressing them.

“Good morning class. I can see that many of you are still unappreciative of the value of this class. Most of you think you don’t need to be here. Quite a few of you think this is beneath you. So we’ve shaken up the lesson for today. Once I’ve finished explaining, we will move upstairs to the third floor.  Each of you will choose a door, and enter that room alone. On the back of the door is a list of tasks you will need to accomplish. You can use magic if you wish, however you cannot leave the room. For any reason. We will be keeping an eye on you.

 “If you would follow me please.” She led them up the staircase to the third floor. There were a few minutes of ordered chaos as each student chose a door. McGonagall walked behind them, robes rustling in the sudden silence. “You have three hours,” she announced loudly. “Good luck.”

The doors silently swung open together, and with varying degrees of smugness and boldness, the students stepped through the doorways. McGonagall smiled to herself. She had two hours until the next lot showed up. It was going to be a good day.

—Real Life Sucks—

Hermione Granger stared at the room in front of her. It was about half the size of a normal classroom, but it didn’t have any desks or blackboards. What it did have was an ironing board, a kitchen sink, a crib, a washing machine, a pantry and a stove. She turned, and there, pinned to the back of the door, was a list of jobs. She pulled it off and started reading.

1.       The ironing needs to be done.

Draco Malfoy stared at the list. They had to be kidding. What did they think he was, slave labour? Well, magic was allowed, right? He clicked his fingers.

Nothing happened.

He clicked again, with the same result. He frantically clicked several more times until he gave up. “Dobby.” Nothing. “Dobby, get here now.” Nothing.

Apparently, House Elves weren’t allowed. Now what was he meant to do? He approached what appeared to be the ironing board. He prodded it cautiously with his wand, and leapt back as it caught fire. This work stuff was harder than they let on.

2.       Your child needs to be fed and put to sleep.

Ron Weasley jammed his fingers in his ears. There was a baby in the crib. And it was making a noise louder than his mother’s Howlers. Just shut up! He thought desperately.

“Silencio!” He ordered, waving his wand at the crib. He sighed in relief as the noise stopped. Then it started up again, twice as loud.

3.       The washing needs to be put on.

Seamus Finnigan stared at the paper, then at the pile of what was probably washing. He’d seen his mum do this heaps. Sure, she didn’t have a Muggle washing machine, but washed was washed, right? How did it go again? It was sort of a wiggle and a swish. He waved his wand hopefully. A fountain of water gushed out the end, surprising him. Finally it stopped, and he was left in a dripping room, with a very wet pile of washing. He shrugged. Good enough for him.

4.       The dishes need to be scrubbed, dried and stacked neatly on the bench.

Luna hummed to herself as she flicked her wand absent-mindedly at the sink. She’d done this hundreds of times at her own house. The sink filled with soapy water and the plates began washing themselves. Another flick of her wand conjured a shiny baby’s rattle for the child in the crib. She smiled and turned back to the list.