Alexithymia

15. Jolene

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JOLENE'S POV

I swallow as I look away from the obvious awkwardness I know I am about to presence. The wind blows colder and I feel nervous because I had never seen such behaviour in Luke. At first my mind makes a plan of running away back to Ashton and the others but the garden is too far away and I won't be able to face Luke afterwards if I did (not that he would remember anyways). As he came closer, the smell of alcohol becomes stronger and I can't help but wrinkle my nose to the hideous smell of 'I need help with my life'. This isn't fun, I don't like seeing him like this..not when its Luke at least. I had never seen him like this, which made me feel taken back; I didn't think he was like this. I had yet to find the day I would see him out of his mind, little did I know that day is today. I offer him a fake smile and he tries to do the same, but the alcohol in his system makes his eyes face over Asia instead of facing me and his smile only works on one side.

''How are you?'' he said blurrily forcing me for a hug that I didn't reply.

''How are you?'' I frowned. God he smells bad, worse than Ashton would ever smell on a bad alcoholic day.

He chuckled ignoring my question as if I had never asked him anything. ''This is Carmen'' he said turning to his right side touching the air, looking for Carmen who was sitting in the bench where I had seen Luke grossingly snogging her. To this I laughed but felt lots of pity and sadness, the guilt struck in my legs and all over my body. He called her name twice when she responded and stood up, wearing 50 inch high heels that made my feet hurt from only observing. Her legs where tanned, and they didn't touch as she walked towards us. Her lips were pink just as the tip of her hair. I shared her a fake close-lipped smile and she replied it.

''What babe?'' she said holding balance around Luke's shoulder, I stared in awe as her fingers crawled slowly going across his back. They stumbled, obviously Luke wasn't even able to stand by himself.

''What?'' he said confusedly. His mouth opened like a moron. Poor guy, God knows how much alcohol was inside of him.

''Jesus. How much have you drank?'' I ask and that makes Carmen laugh really hard. She takes a sip of her drink, I roll my eyes.

''Just few-'' he starts, but never finishes.

''And who are you?'' Carmen eyes me up and down with the eyebrows lifted after cutting Luke off. I would say she was judging me, a lot.

''I'm a friend of Luke's'' I spit. How rude can she be?

''She broke my heart'' He pointed at me with drink in hand, Luke looking at Carmen, that makes her eyes harden on me and my heart crashed after I feel those words suck my whole existence. Yes, he was drunk. But my mom used to say that kids and drunk people were always honest. Knowing it was true was just another way of martyrizing myself. I never meant to. Is what I wanted to say.

But instead I acted strong; I don't think Carmen would realize, she was almost as drunk as Luke, only she was better at faking it. ''I think you should come join us, I'm here with Ashton and Harry. Apparently Michael and Cal are coming soon, too.'' I suggest. Luke's expression is too funny, his mouth opened breathing heavily as his eyes seem close to shutting down.

Carmen doesn't seem to excited about my plan but I drag Luke over to the garden with me taking him by the arm. He was too drunk to think, or to even resist if he wanted to..so he let me lead him. Carmen said something and pulled Luke by his other extremity. I turned around to see her screaming many unnecessary obscenities at me.

''Oh my God. Can't you see he can't even walk properly? Come on! If you want you can help me get him with the others. You can let the drunk rub off him and then you can fuck him since that's obviously what you want.'' I shouted angrily at her selfishness.