Believe in Love

AN: hey there! Sorry for my absence. I am back but with this little one-off fic. Not a new series. I'm still working on WITS, but I've had this idea for a long time and wanted to share it. I hope you like it and thanks for reading.

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"I'm terribly sorry Mr. Martin," the lawyer from the agency said, "Mr. Buckland," he continued addressing his husband, who sat by his side, tightening the grip on his hand. He could not listen anymore, he shut out everything, it was all noise, pure noise, Chris already knew what he was going to say. He had imagined this situation a thousand times over the last few months but in the end, he had always been hopeful.

"Everything will be alright," Jonny would tell him. "You'll see."

His eyes focused on his hand, on his fingers intertwined with Jonny's. He could barely see them, he blinked and a tear fell on his leg and only then he was able to distinguish those fingers, lovingly, desperately squeezing his.

"I'll give you a moment to yourselves," he came out of his trance just in time to hear the man say. He was already standing up and walking out of the office. Chris could barely move, apart from the overwhelming way his entire body shook. Only when he heard the door click shut, he let go of any control he had left and broke down sobbing, head burrowed on his husband's chest.

Jonny trembled and his breathing hitched, his arms wrapped strongly around him, Chris clung to him tighter.

All he could think about was Benjamin. How he had slept snuggled on his chest yesterday, how tiny his hands felt compared to his, how clumsy he had felt the first time he had changed him, how Jonny's eyes had lit up the first time he had held him. How the three of them had felt like a family last night cuddled up together on that couch in the hospital room.

How he had already felt that connection, that bond forming, that overwhelming need to protect him and care for him. How they had both felt they were holding the most precious child in the world. For those 24 hours Benjamin had felt theirs.

"Jonny," he wept.

"I know."

His chest felt empty, he was broken.

It probably was the best for Benjamin, but that thought did not lessen the pain or filled the void in his heart.

Their beautiful baby would most probably not be called Benjamin anyways.

He was not Benjamin. He was not theirs.

Chris' whole body shook with unrelenting sobs as he clutched his husband.

"Let's go home," Jonny asked sniffing, "please," he uttered in a broken breath.

Slowly, he let go of Jon and sat straight on his chair, lips pursed, holding back the pain, the agony. His husband covered his face with his hands and Chris' heart broke once more as his eyes filled up for the umpteenth time. "Honey," he rubbed his back.

"Let's go home," Jonny whimpered. "Let's just go home."

They left the hospital without even glancing in the direction of the nursery ward. It was too hard. It was heart wrenching to go home, knowing their precious baby was still in the building.

With their hearts in pieces and no words they started the way back home. An empty car seat strapped securely on the back seat of their car. Useless.

As much as it hurt, Chris could not really be angry at Tammy for wanting to parent her own child, for doing what she thought was best for Benja...for her baby...