PTSD

Chapter II: Work and Worry

Kelsey sighs deeply and walks both children back to their room. This is a good night for us. I've to get up for work in a few minutes, so I go ahead and dress. Even though it's 85+°, I don long sleeves and pants to hide the scars and burns I've imbedded in my own flesh.

I work as a research-paper writer for the local children's hospital's neurology department. My boss is the most understanding man on the planet; whenever he knows the answer is "no", he doesn't even ask me, and, whenever I hesitate to answer, he realizes that's a "no". Mr. Richard even, sometimes, lets me work from home, if I had an especially bad night, or if Tommy or Emma needs to stay home that day.

I hate showering, because it brings back the most memories. Daddy was always his most brutal in there. He'd beat me until I went unconscious while raping me. Then, whenever I woke up, he'd continue the assault. Most of the time, he'd also water-board me by holding my head under the shower head with a washcloth over it, again, while he fucked me. So, needless to say, I much prefer baths.

The constant reminders of my fucked-up past aside, my life's too perfect to be real. I've a loving and devoted wife, my boss is kind without being creepy, my two children love and respect me, most of my coworkers are sensitive to my issues, my marriage to Kelsey is recognized nationwide. But those reminders are real, they are always there.

I head to the kitchen and prepare breakfast; toast, jelly and bacon. I use a spoon to spread the jelly, because, literally every time I hold a knife in my hands, I cut myself. I microwave the bacon, because I'm already running a bit late. It's Sunday....... Kelsey and the kids are off. So, my wife endures another flashback in order to kiss me goodbye. I ride the bus to work, as we're not able to afford a car, and bike seats give all four of us extremely unpleasant flashbacks.

I think it's time I explained a little bit of how my primary months of freedom went. After I was weaned, Daddy never fed me regular food....I had to eat his freshly excreted feces from off my room's shag-carpet since I was 1yr. old (yes, even before he started the other forms of abuse); I guess you could say that, even from a young age, I was destined to be a 'carpet-muncher'. So, naturally, when I escaped and was sent to the hospital, I threw up everything they gave me to eat for the first two months or so. I arrived there at around 67lbs. The nurses had to feed me through my I V. I still remember the very first meal I'd ever eaten: beef stew (without carrots, celery and mushrooms) over mashed potatoes and, for dessert, a cherry-lemon pie with a mountain of whipped cream more than 6" high; I had 4 glasses of the sweetest lemonade ever, too.

Kelsey and I met at the hospital, when I was 17 and she was 19. She'd been admitted a year and a half prior; I was brought to the institution at age 16. I'd really rather not detail our first encounter; I hope you understand.

We've been married for almost nine years; this Wednesday is our anniversary. I've been planning something for us. I don't know if it'll trigger her or not....God, I hope not. Kelsey has always talked about wanting to see her first non-pornographic movie. Unfortunately, all of the movies out today contain mostly either sexualized or extremely violent scenes; even the ones rated G are overtly sexual and/or gruesome. 'Murica, for you...... I'm really hoping to be able to make enough money to move the family to, like, Canada.

I suppose I should elaborate on my work environment some more. .....anh, it's not really important. If I need any filler, I'll tell you.

I get a text from Kelsey to meet them in the ER; Emma tried to hang herself again. It's the second time in the past two years she's done something like this. The first time, she said that her Father told her that he had given her a chance to escape her life, and it'd be wise to take it, as it'd be her last. Later that same April, in the Psych ward, she was diagnosed with schizophrenia and heavily medicated with antidepressants and anti-hallucinogens. A couple weeks after, she was released on slightly lower doses. That was just under 14 months ago.