Horoscopes August 2011

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ARIES

In the coming weeks Aries you will be thoroughly distracted by thoughts of love and lust as fantasies of the most romantic variety continually creep into your consciousness. Work and focus will be tested by your wandering mind and a great deal of self-discipline will be required to keep you on task. So if you’re ogling an office assistant maybe you should give it a rest and ask her out already. Coupled Aries will be fortunate, as they will get to act out their desires (wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean) while single Aries may find themselves love struck and lonely (for now) or you could just get the guts to ask her out instead of dreaming about asking her out, go ahead the little tart probably wants you to, why else would she keep wearing all those tight skirts.

TAURUS

Domestic matters take center stage on in the coming weeks and you will be at your happiest at home, tending to domestic chores. (Those of you with a green thumb will find great success with your flora.) Next weekend brings low-key social events and time to catch up on lost sleep. Communication with family brings good news and you can start thinking about the future. Yeah that’s it. What? I can’t write in-depth analysis of every sign every month, you win some you lose some.

GEMINI

You are all business the next few weeks as a new position or project demands your attention. There are new challenges on the horizon. But stop trying to self-destruct yourself, you are adequately equipped to handle them with professional excellence (well maybe not professional, but enough competence no one will notice the difference.) Enjoy this time of transition, Gemini, because as you master new undertakings you will be less challenged and will begin to seek new sources of stimulation. Just you know, don’t go for the easy kicks.

CANCER

There is simply not enough time in the day to accomplish all that is expected of you - or more accurately, all that you expect of yourself. Here’s what you do, take a step back, take deep breaths and relax. Now reevaluate your priorities to ensure that you are not neglecting what is most important or pressing (someone dying is more pressing than reorganizing your filing – helpful hint).

LEO

You know that person who you have been meaning to call or meet with? That friend who you have been putting off out of sheer laziness or mild disinterest, the one with that annoying habit that shouldn’t really bother you that much but actually does; so much so you’d like to just smack him one? Now is the time to pick up the phone because sometimes we just have to deal with that person that’s part of life Leo. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person; step up and be the adult you know you are. Do it now, right now, stop making excuses, go ahead I’ll wait…

VIRGO

Sometimes you just have to accept that you can’t have all the answers (what’s martinizing for example?) Also you cannot know everyone’s true motives for their puzzling actions (for example, why does the barista compliment your friends shoes but not yours?..Oh actually that’s easy because he’s gay...oh and because you have lousy taste in shoes). This is a difficult thing for Virgos to accept, as their analytical, super anal nature rebels against accepting the unknowable (like why they can’t pick out nice shoes). There is value in learning to be comfortable with the unknown. Have a little faith and relinquish a little control and life (and the certain perplexing relationship) will be easier to enjoy.

LIBRA

You are going to have to battle with yourself in the next few weeks to accomplish all that is expected of you. Sloth truly is your enemy right now. A lot of people are relying on you to uphold your end of things and letting them down will have tremendous consequences. Not so much for you, but for others, so like don’t decide to take a nap while holding a ladder for someone. Just plow through the tasks at hand and soon you will be rewarded with satisfaction, appreciation and cash prizes. Okay maybe not cash prizes (but you never know) and at least at the end of it all you can have a snack and take a nap.

SCORPIO

Do not be alarmed! But now would be a good time to pay attention to your physical health! Any examinations or tests that you have been putting off should probably be penciled in to your schedule now! And now that I have your attention, remember a little maintenance once and awhile is a good thing. Then once you have ensured that your body is in good order and you’ve changed the oil and vulcanized the tires you can return your focus to matters of the heart and soul. Remember that the physical, mental, and spiritual are inextricably intertwined, so don’t forget the mental engine flush (once every 100,000 km or so).

SAGITTARIUS

Spending time outdoors will provide you with a surprising amount of satisfaction (shooting a deer is, I hear, a great stress reliever). Even those Sagittarians who do not usually enjoy nature will find rewards waiting beyond the urban sprawl (after all they’ll arrest you if you start taking pot shots at pedestrians. The message within is that there is great joy to be found in simple things. This week would be a good time to remind yourself of that. Legal matters and annoying exes steal some of your attention in the coming weeks. Just remember no matter what the question, deny everything.

CAPRICORN

A wise man once said, “Equity does not stoop to pick up pins”. The meaning of that pearl of wisdom may not be self-evident, but in your case it implies that doing what is right sometimes means overlooking the minute details that might otherwise muddy the waters of fairness. In a present disagreement with someone close to you (or formally close to you – stop splitting hairs) you would be well advised to ignore the little things and look at the bigger picture of karma and justice. You don’t want to mess with karma, and I shouldn’t have to still be telling you that Capricorns, except your smug elitism is your Achilles heel.

AQUARIANS

Next week your work life will sap your personal life of much of its energy. It will be all you can do to keep yourself alert once you leave the office (or wherever it is in that you don your professional hat). Give into this need for mental and physical rest and replenishment. Sunday will find you back on top of your game, bursting with energy and ready to challenge yourself and those around you to an invigorating game of bacci, or something equally challenging, like shuffle board, yay!

PISCES

Money matters should be at the top of your list of priorities in the next couple of weeks. Count your pennies then count them again and spend them wisely. Repay any debts and avoid letting finances interfere with friendships, as even the best relationships can be strained when money gets in the way (Shakespeare had something to say about that, “neither a borrower nor a lender be…”). On a different note, it may be a good idea to re-evaluate a romantic relationship and ensure that you are treating your partner with love and respect. Although sometimes the best thing you can do is to just walk away (face it she’s never going to see the real you. Alternatively, he’s never going to start being considerate of your needs, and yes that is pretty much the reasons for every male/female argument in history).

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⏰ Last updated: Aug 14, 2011 ⏰

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