The week I lost my ex ex lol - half true

Could life just be a dream; Could I be living in some strangers world I call my own. I could be wrong you know? But the thought of dying makes me avoid life-- But doing so, well it only pulls me away from living. From receiving or moving forward. What is my purpose on earth? Should I have faith in what is to come? At the end of the day faith is weird, it comes when your not ready, or dont expect it... Its like one day your mind changes about everything youv always dreamed of, The castle well it may not be a castle at all, and Its not so important happy ever after, just that its happy right now is all that matters, see once in a while once in a black moon people will change and one day it may be perfect and the next day everything is gone but once in a while people may even take your breathe away so I guess we have to take the ride and just breathe right? thats what they say. 

But I keep saying to myself; Everything has two sides it may not show it or it may be empty but when your talking about a human, there is always two sides to a soul. Some people may be half empty room for improvement or looking for love others may think both sides are full but really how could you be so sure. I guess you could say that there not looking for love maybe they dont want any commitments or dont like putting effort into things they really love. I've always heard when your not looking it will find you, which leaves all the billions of people that most likely are looking can never find it.

Every morning before noon. I just sit here listening to the ducks and birds chirping, Followed by the sound of the winter breeze. The thought of doing thiseveryday  for the rest of my life actually satisfies me. But then theres that odd feeling that you get in your gut, That I would be making a huge mistake. Maybe I just need faith but ive lost that...Faith is just believing in something beyond yourself, something you can't feel, or smell, or touch... like hope but hope is love. Why does everything come back to love eh? We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? is it Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find. That sounds very ispirational right>? but you never know if there is someone else because what if there is do you really want to settle for less..

anyway i dont even know where this is going, If your wondering my names Katie and im half way through grade 10, I know i shouldnt really be worrying about this stuff but im very perceptive and its kind of hard not to like see all this stuff, anyway im into phylosophy and stuff anyway I have short blonde hair, brown eyes im 5 ft 7 and im a lesbian.

Your probably wondering what kind of story this is, whether its true or possibly if its gunna be boring but dont stop reading because you know the truth about life is no one is patient no one sees what they like so they leave what if it will get better what if you wait around ...what you enjoy will come.

I didnt go to school today im still in pain, you know people shouldnt be able to hurt you but then life would feel fake without pain right? anyway there is a few hot chicks at school but none of them have compassion. 

FLASHBACK......

"Come here Katie"

she wrapped her arms around me and Tears began to fall from my eyes,

"Im just afraid of losing you Sarah" I said hesitantly

"Katie you wont lose me, I will be here for you we will run away, I dont have enough strength to be away from you anymore, please just dont cry baby"

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END OF FLASHBACK

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See you read that ye? you know only 19 hours after that happened she left me... Aparently life if harsh and she thought it would be right if she did to me what her ex did to her, you know I read her Facebook page it was like saying shit like "Dont you hate it when the one you love pushes you away and acts like there was nothing ever there" well hate to break it to ya it happens... 

Next thing you know is ive got cuts surrounded by dry blood, I wipe it, dry and clean, but where is the fun in that you keep doing it, avoid exaceration yet still suffer in excess. why not make there be even more pain, All the sorrow that I carry is pooring out, Hopefully there will be none left inside;  I watch the blood poor forth, slowly; and watch as it runs off the skin i call my own, like a stream lips over a bed of rocks on the shallow ground. But I keep wishing it is more like a waterfall, crashing, loud and neverending. my brain speaks to me its telling me to sit back and feel the pain taking over my body as it becomes rigid. Somewhere inside of me im churning, as i sweetly burn throughout, the blood  is getting faster and I can feel it freeing from all of my veins and my arteries.... Im becoming used to this feelign now, Im getting warm, I blink a few times and im  not too sure what is to come, all the light visable is disappearing as the contrasts gets bigger, all the darks become darker and all the lights become lighter but it is surely the absence of all colour... Im fearing now Ive mae a huge mistake, Water leaking from my eye sockets, shining bright pooring out of me uncontrolably few minutes pass before i realise im actually crying, Im hurting inside and wanting my old life back. A high pitch piercing frequently in my head which my ears cannot handle, now lost, even my own voice has lost its volume. yet I knew the answer all alone and avoided it, I should have done the right thing and moved on, but just to let this of what i could not have foreseen overcome in my grief, This is fully insane for what I had in mind and for what i wanted, not what anyone wanted. Now look at me Im lying here drenched in my own blood; slowly dying and I cant do anything about it, and no one is around to stop it... Im not waking up tomorow and you wont hear from me again... I shall leave now I dont have enough stength to stay here and keep writing, goodbye and im so sorry.