White Lies (Book 1)

Chapter 38

Chapter 38

As it turned out, I didn't die or go to heaven.

Besides, I always imagined that in my inevitable death, I would end up stuck at some sort of cross-roads. God wouldn't know where to put me – should I go to heaven, or should I suffer for the rest of eternity in hell, to make up for all the years of lies and deception?

I knew for a fact that people shouldn't wake up in heaven surrounded by quiet sobbing and beeping machines. I figured they would have mentioned that in the Bible somewhere. I felt that this experience more closely resembled waking up in a futuristic spacecraft than waking up in heaven.

The ceiling was white. A long, fluorescent light hung over me, blinding my sensitive eyes.

The pain was back in full force now. None of that diluted oxycodone shit. It hit me like a ton of bricks, starting from my leg and throbbing its way upwards.

I must have made a noise, because the crying noises stopped in an instant. Seconds later, a warm, hesitant hand was resting on mine. Familiar. All of a sudden, I felt very safe.

"Jesabel?" My mother's voice was soft, underlined with debilitating grief. I slowly turned my neck towards her, as far as I could go. Then I turned too far. Another pained, tortured sound escaped from the back of my throat.

I needed water.

My mom's face was streak with dried tears, eyes bleary and terrified. I had seen that stricken face before – from the rear view mirror, in the middle of the night. Her sight and smell was such a welcomed presence, like finally being able to breathe a fresh sigh of relief.

I missed her. I missed her more than she could've possibly understood. And I had needed her all this time.

"Mom..." I croaked weakly.

Breaking something inside her.

Sobbing loudly, my mother suddenly gripped my face between the two palms of her hands. Her grip was light but solid. Her eyes were welling up with another round of tears, and then, unexpectedly – I could feel eyes doing the same. I wanted to reach out and hold her to me, to feel her warmth, but a tangle of bandages and tubes were stopping my arm from initiating any movement.

Mommy.

"Don't you ever," her voice quiet and deadly, "do anything like that again. Ever. Do you understand me?"

All I could do was nod.

She shook her head fiercely. "Oh, Jessie." My tears spilled over as she kissed my forehead and both of my cheeks, murmuring prayers and blessings under her breath.

And just like that, all the tension and anger between us dissipated. Like it hadn't been there to begin with – like I could hardly fathom that such a distance could even exist. No more aloofness, no more detachment. I felt closer to my mother than I ever had before, and seeing her like this, so broken and concerned and exhausted, made me finally realize that she was fully and completely on my side.

She loved me so much – and I loved her too. Far more than I could comprehend.

She plopped down on the chair beside my bed, speaking in a mad rush of words. Both of her hands held mine the entire time. "You have no idea how worried sick I've been over the past couple of days. One morning, I wake up and realize you've snuck out during the night, then I come back later from work to find a note on the counter. Saying you were leaving. Leaving! With your new boyfriend, going who-knows-where.

"Do you know how many people I contacted to try and reach you? I called the police, the school, Mrs. Ericson, the Blights, and even Mei Nguyen. Officer Cross finally had to come down from the station to find out what was going on. It was the longest twenty-four hours of my life.