Penman Panic: Author's Club Takes Over the World!

Penman Panic: Amateur Author’s Club Takes Over the World!

Part I: The Plan

“So,” Kassandra said, wrapping up the weekly lesson, “any questions, problems, or things we need to discuss?” Dylan raised his hand, half-smirk permanently stitched onto his expression. It was one of those days. “Yes?”

“I’ll just throw this one out there,” he began, “but does anyone want to take over the world?”

Laughter came in rumbling, even sweet-hearted Spencer throwing in a chuckle. Dylan did not; in fact, he looked oddly determined. This caused the laughter to cease, and everyone half-stared rather awkwardly, not wanting to believe the freshman was actually proposing global conquest. Upon realizing that, no, he was proposing global conquest, the laughter came back as strong if not stronger than before.

“I’d do it,” said Zach, leaning in in a way that only he could do, perching himself like a cat with a devilish grin emblazoned on his face. “What’s your strategy?”

As the resident sociopath, no one questioned him playing along with Dylan. In fact, they all inwardly encouraged the act. All eyes turned to Dylan for his response; some bemused, some worried. His brow was furrowed as he tried to make sense of his own plans. It was not that they were illogical, but that they sounded stupid. He eventually resigned to group input. “Well, that’s why I’m asking it here. So we can all help.”

Sarah was brewing on this concept. Her mind formed brilliant intellectual theories and possible strategies for world domination. Could she, a mere underling of the oppressive society in which she was created, actually form it to her will? Could her compatriots actually pull off such a feat of tactical brilliance? All these and many other loquacious trivialities stormed through her mind. Her pupils narrowed as she sat, deep in thought. “So, do you think we can, like, do it?” She said, pausing after almost every word. Blast! She scolded, foiled by my tongue!

 “Well,” began Kassandra, finally getting drawn into the tangent, “we could possibly do it. We’d have Zach, Brenna, and I for planning. Spencer and Breah could easily be the faces of our organization. Jackson and Jaden would be the muscle. Grace, Sadie, and Sarah could help in plan execution.” Dylan looked at her expectantly. “Dylan,” she began, “could be our human shield.” He scowled.

“Can I be the human shield?” asked Jaden. Ever since Zach had diagnosed him with a martyr complex, Jaden had seemed eerily determined to follow it to its logical extreme. Kassandra gave him a look. It wasn’t a mean look, but it was a “what?” look. She had mastered the art of giving complex sentences via looks from months of presiding over these lunatics.

Upon glancing over, one could see that the conversation had crossed the invisible line of “how much insanity Brenna can take”. This meant that she softly muttered “what?”, shook her head, and chuckled to herself, quite certain that she was THE only sane one left in the room.

“We can’t take over the world,” Spencer began, huge Stepford smile not even flickering. “We would have to hurt things. And that isn’t right.”

“Not if we’re careful,” Dylan argued, slightly nervous at the thought of opposing him. “We would rarely, if ever, have to hurt anything.”

“Rarely? So we would have to?”

“Not more than say… once every three months.” Dylan hinted. Spencer, sweet and lovable as he was, was also a tad unstable. He proclaimed that he had to do an extremely evil deed or the universe would fall out of balance. He did so religiously, having shanked Dylan once with a pen. It was still a sore subject.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Breah said, cutting down the clamor that had inevitably broken out. “Are we seriously considering this!? World takeover?”

A hush fell on the room as each realized that they had begun to accept this as the plan. Even Brenna, having heard some of the more compelling arguments, had begun to think that it was a plausible alternative to Editing Circle.

“’Cause I’m in!” Breah finished.

“Vote?” Dylan called, giving his ever-irritating smirk a shot.

Kassandra gave the headshake of approval. “Now, anyone up for world domination?"

Jaden figured he could be martyred, so he was in. Zach found it amusing, so he also said yay. Dylan had proposed, and although he had since rethought the idea, he wasn’t backing down. Breah thought it would be fun, so she also raised her hand. Brenna figured she had nothing better to do. Grace and Sadie both agreed as if on some equal psychic wavelength. Jackson agreed, as well as his sock puppet. Sarah shrugged. Spencer agreed. Kassandra figured they’d manage to get themselves killed without her.

“So, Author’s Club. Looks like we’re taking over the world.” She said.

Everyone cheered.

“Now get out, I only have this room until 3:30.”