"I tend to not look back. It's confusing."
Walter Hill
This is a quote I live by.
A quote I cherish and try to use.
But have you ever tried to not look back in your life when your brother died four months ago and it's your fault?
Here I am.
Lying on this cot.
Waiting for someone - something to come and save me from the Arkansas Lunatic Asylum. Later known as Arkansas State Hospital for Nervous Diseases and then the Arkansas State Hospital. I guess they felt sorry for us loonies and decided not to rub it in our faces that we have problems. Not that the name helps or anything. They rub it in our faces anyways.
The room is white. Completely white. With no sink, no bathroom, but a cot, a desk, and a door. A door that's locked three-fourths of the day.
I hug Winnie, my stuffed rabbit, to my chest and hum a song my mother used to sing to me.
"Time for your walk." My nurse, Lucinda, calls through door as she unlocks the door. I sit up and wait for her to enter. She comes and helps me put on my slippers and then pulls me up off my cot.
I stretch and shuffle outside, where I see Lilly.
Lilly is tall, with long, oily blonde hair, dull brown eyes, a crooked nose, and a permanent smirk/grimace.
Her smirk/grimace widens when she sees me.
I flinch inwardly, trying not to show my fear.
Why am I afraid?
Besides the fact that I'm in an insane asylum and I should be scared, I'm even more scared because of why she's in here.
Decapitation.
Yeah, you heard me right.
Apparently, her boyfriend cheated on her, so she took matters into her own hands if you know what I mean.
If you look on the bright side, if her boyfriend were alive he would never cheat on her again!
She bores a stare into me and says, "Hi Kitty."
Yes, Kitty is my name. It's not just some creepy nickname that psycho made up for me. Oh gosh, that's a really scary thought...
But anyways, my name is Kitty Longbird. I'm sixteen and have never had a boyfriend. Not that that matters, but I guess I thought it was an important piece of information.
I'm sure you're thinking "Why is she in an insane asylum? She seems perfectly fine to me..." But according to my counselor, Doctor Dumont, I'm not. She thinks I'm crazy.
Literally.
I got sent to a counselor in the first place because I had a 'mental breakdown'.
I had a 'mental breakdown' because my brother died.
My brother died because I let him go to a party and overdosed on heroine.
I let him go to the party because I was mad at him. I knew there would be drugs, and I knew he was an addict, but I didn't mean for him to die. I loved him. Phillip was my only friend when Mom and Dad fought. He was there for me when they divorced. He believed in me when I wanted to try out for the volleyball team at my school (I didn't make it, but he comforted me). I'll never truly accept that he's gone. He'll always be there, inside my heart.
"Aren't you going to say hi?" Lilly asks, taking a step towards me.
I take a step back and mutter a quick "hi" before hurrying past her.
