I'm not depressed, well I don't think I am.
I'm not suicidal, not anymore.
I'm not mentally unstable, I'm aware of everything around me and all the decisions I make.
I keep repeating that in my head just so eventually I'll start to believe it.
Some days I feel normal. Some days are terrible. There are days I think damn everything, but there is rare days that I'm perfectly fine but you know every time I think I'm free from it all, there's a slight tingle of hope that I am finally done with you something just sucks me back and within a second I'm back at square one. I'm not progressing, I'm just going in circles like the thread on a sewing machine, I hope this invisible threatened is going around your neck cutting off the supply of air that travels down to your lungs. I despise you, I want to be the cause of your death, I want to watch you suffer like I did. You're a stranger to me now, I didn't think it was possible to hurt like this but you've achieved that, I'm sure you're happy.
The funniest fact of all is that if I had the chance to go back in time and change everything I would, I'd beg you not to leave me, I would make myself perfect, I would be more like the perfect person you want, I wouldn't have said what I did.
I can't let go of what we had and somewhere in your heart you feel something for me, I know you do. It might not even be love. As the hopeless romantic I am, I wish it is.
They say that the saddest people in the world aspire to make people around them happy because on the inside they feel so lonely and alone.
That's me. I may not make that many people happy but I try and I will keep trying because I don't want anyone to feel like this, I feel so emotional and alone. My world around me is crumbling and I'm falling into a pit of darkness which once you're their you'll never make it out alive.
Why are you letting this happen to me?
Why are you allowing this?
Please stop, release me from your grasp and let me free.
I hate that even after all this after everything that has has happened, I wouldn't hesitate to say yes if you said you wanted me back. I love you and I can't stop thinking how everything could have been so different, this could just be a phase.
You made me feel so alive, so happy, worth it. I was stupid, I was, still am a hopeless romantic but if you're reading this I need you so much more than I'm letting on. I'm breaking.
