If You Smile At Me Today [ON HOLD]

If You Smile At Me Today

 I rolled over and counted down the minutes until my alarm went off. I had woken up three minutes early; that made it three minutes left to enjoy the warmth of my bed before I had to officially wake up and face the day. I didn’t want to. I had school. It was a hundred and ninety days until I was free to leave school- not that I was counting down, or anything.

 The alarm went off, offensively loud, and I turned it off quickly before it could do much more damage to my eardrums. The noise always seemed so harsh to me. Surely waking up should be calm, easy; you shouldn’t be terrified and deafened that early in the morning.

 I sighed as I pushed the duvet away from me, shivering in the air of the room even though, in reality, it probably wasn’t that cold. It just seemed it to me, after the warmth of my bed. I yawned and stretched, clicking my back as I did so. I went straight into doing sit ups, not many, just enough to ensure I was truly awake. It was a habit that I would hopefully grow out of soon. I looked forward to not having to worry about the way I looked. That came with age, apparently.

 The shower was lukewarm due to the fact that the boiler had been shut off for a couple of hours. It was still warm enough to mist up the mirror, for which I was thankful. It sounded rather girlish to say, but I hated seeing my reflection in the mirror. I didn’t look like a man should. Men should be tall, muscular, handsome. I was average height, average build, average looks. Everything average, even my personality.

 I left the bathroom and, once back in my room, got dressed in my school uniform; dark grey (almost black) trousers with a white shirt and a plain black tie. I say plain black, the school emblem was at the top, but you had to tie it so that it was hidden. You weren’t supposed to, but that was the rule amongst students- I didn’t understand it, but I didn’t question it either.

 My hair was still slightly damp from the shower as I went downstairs to make myself breakfast. I wasn’t particularly hungry but I knew that it was good for people to eat in the mornings, and so I did. I stuck a piece of bread in the toaster and set the timer before going into the living room and turning on the TV.

 The house was silent. My parents were at work.

 I flicked on the TV but couldn’t find anything that wouldn’t melt my brain, and the music channels were still asleep, so I switched the set off again. I crossed the room to our small record player and picked out a vinyl at random, not looking at what it was as I put it on. It turned out to be The B-52’s eponymous debut album. I went back into the kitchen and picked up the toast as the high-pitched vocals at the beginning of Planet Claire filled the downstairs of my house.

 Swinging myself up on the counter, I bit into the toast, only to find it was too hot to eat. I dropped it quickly back onto the counter and slipped off, landing lightly on my feet, and ran upstairs again to pack my bag. I checked the time and realised I didn’t have long till I had to leave; I must have had a longer shower than usual, which was weird for me as I am usually good at time management. I pulled on socks, shoes, brushed my teeth, grabbed my bag and my denim jacket with the Alice Cooper “School’s Out” patch sewn onto the sleeve, before rushing back downstairs. My satchel bag was black, per the school rules’ request, but I had sewn various band patches onto that also. I dodged into the living room and packed away The B-52’s vinyl and switched off the record player.

 It was only after I had locked the front door that I remembered my toast on the kitchen counter.

 My hair, which was somewhat long nowadays, was kept in my eyes for a reason as I walked along the pavement. I didn’t want to see anyone. If I saw someone I knew, I had to talk to them. And I didn’t want to. This was also why I spent most of my life listening to my IPod; it helped me avoid people.