Call Me Cliché

The Worst Day

Chapter Three: Janice

Today is officially the worst day of my life.

It's even worse than the time I tried to eat three large Supreme pizzas in thirty minutes, while watching "100 Most Disgusting Car Accidents" on its Christmas Special. Trust me, that was not pretty. I'm fairly sure the carpet had it worse than me, though.

Nope, today probably tops the list for the Five-Most-Suckiest-Days-Of-My-Life, the Christmas Special coming in at #2.

Why is it so bad, you may ask? Here's basically a countdown of everything that's happened since I woke up this morning:

4:20 A.M. My dog, Tinkle (he has a bladder problem), wakes me up because he has to pee

4:22 A.M. Trudge downstairs and open the door for Tinkle

4:23 A.M. Fall asleep on the couch

4:25 A.M. Woken again by Tinkle scratching on door. Gets up, opens door, goes upstairs to continue sleeping

5:00 A.M. Tinkle sneaks into my room. Has to pee

(Repeat process)

6:30 A.M. Alarm sounds. Curses at alarm clock and throws it against the wall. Alarm clock breaks. Realize I have no money to buy a new one. Sobs silently into pillow

6:39 A.M. Dad barges into room, holding Tinkle (who is peeing), yelling at me for not taking Tinkle outside during the night

6:41 A.M. Tinkle is still peeing. On my carpet

6:45 A.M. Drags self out of bed

7:00 A.M. Late for bus, have to chase it down six blocks. Bus driver opens door, snickers at me. Gives bus driver "the finger". Kicked off bus

7:50 A.M. Arrives at school, sweaty and tired. Mood is bad, ready to punch a baby

8:00 A.M. First class of the day, History. Today is my speech. Realize left speech cards at home. Prepares to stab myself with pencil

8:02 A.M. Teacher calls on me, saves me from violent thoughts

8:03 A.M. Christy trips me on the way up for presentation. Loses balance and gives the floor a hug with my face. Everyone laughs

8:06 A.M. Stands in front of the class like an idiot, making up random facts about the American Revolution. Realizes after speech that George Washington probably was not a milkman or had a horse named Sherry who helped him in his milk-delivering activities

9:30 A.M. Second class, Chemistry. Falls asleep on textbook

9:35 A.M. Caught by teacher, reprimanded harshly while scowling at feet

9:55 A.M. Randy, jerk-face jock who sits behind me, makes a snide comment about my hair

9:56 A.M. Straddling Randy on floor, biting his arm and making Tarzan noises, demanding he "take it back" or else I will "create a third testicle where his nose should be"

9:57 A.M. Pulled back by teacher, given detention slip. Someone escorts Randy to the office

9:58 A.M. Fuming in my seat. He only had a few teeth imprints on him, not that big of a deal