Rylen
Take a deep breath. Leave the anxiety at the door. Put your right foot in front of your left. Now put your left foot in front of your right. Repeat. Walk into the classroom and raise your chin a bit higher. Do not look at the floor. Remember what you've taught yourself about weakness.
Definitely do not look at him. But brush him as you pass. Be sure to leave your wrist outstretched so he can catch the scent of your perfume.
Pay no attention to the girls in the back row, her friends. Remember that any attention is better than no attention. Embrace the jolt to your self-confidence. Listen to the gossip about the school's latest star-crossed love story. Listen for your name. Revel in the over-dramatization of high school. Clutch hold of that. Let it make you stronger.
Don't you look at him. Don't you dare look.
Pretend to pay attention as Mrs. Johnson tiers the layers of the government. Take notes about power and command. Push your chin forward and relax your face because he is staring. Turn your cringe into a polite smile when he answers a question.
Finally let out that deep breath when class is over, performance complete. Put your head down to gather your things and allow your hair to fall in front of your face, your security blanket. Let your curls shield you, the ones you so intricately twirled into place this morning.
Jump when his hand touches your right shoulder. Peek over your left just to see the looks on their faces. Notice that some are curious, some even jealous. Turn right to find him there, leaning over you. Keep a straight face when he gently whispers, "I'm there."
Max
Wonder how she can be so indifferent. Try to turn off the attraction, but know you can't. Slide the note into her palm and leave her. Allow her the time to read it. Meet your buddy at the door and smack his arm when he shakes his head in amusement.
Groan when you hear another text come in from her, the other her, the first her. Remember the pretty face of your girlfriend. Listen to your buddy when he tells you that nothing stays secret for long in this school. Realize that is half the reason why you did it.
Try not to hate yourself for acting out of boredom. Console yourself because you can't stop attraction. Keep telling yourself you've done nothing wrong; you aren't married. Shoo away the flashes of memories you've had with Becca, the (boring) golden couple that you are. Wonder if you shouldn't have given Ry that note. Understand why you hate the idea of a clean break. Realize you really like loose ends. Realize swinging from them is fun, and you like options.
High five your buddies in the cafeteria. Try to find Ry in the crowd. Relive the words she told you last night in her bedroom when you spoke of attachment: "I don't want to go... there," she'd murmured. Hold on to the image of the way she looked with so few clothes, so vulnerable. Remember angrily that even after all these months, Becca never gave it up to you. Brood over it.
Remember that Rylen almost did. Know that many guys would be lucky to be in your shoes. Recount her traits: she's intriguing, and new, and sexy, and fun.
Know that you'll get over this longing for her though. Remember that intrigue doesn't last long.
Rylen
Want what is yours to be had. Fight for him, or fight for yourself. Decide. But choose the latter. Try not to beat yourself up over what was nearly your "first time"; goodness knows it wasn't his. Remember if you give that away so easily, you lose power.
Keep strong. Keeping thinking there's a means to an end. Smile at the others who try to console you, especially the boys. Listen intently to the one who tells you that Max won't pick you, but it's okay because he's looking out for you. Smile when he says he'd switch places with Max in a heartbeat. Ignore the skip of your own heartbeat when Max's name is mentioned. Don't wonder if all the concern is twofold. Don't wonder what he told everyone.
Remember that this relationship was over before it began. Remind yourself that you knew Max was taken, but you also read him like a book. Read him again, and keep things in your favor. Remember this was about attention- you wanted it, and now you have it.
Understand that you'll find someone else because of this. Learn that attention has a snowball effect. Keep the ball rolling. Embrace that others will want to grab some of this attention. Tuck Max's note in your pocket, knowing you'll save it with the others. Grasp the truth: he didn't intend for you to treasure them, or maybe he did; nor did he intend for you to treasure those silly flowers he gave you. But know for certain that he doesn't intend to keep this up, this you.
Keep in mind it's all for the show. Remember he's just a stupid boy. Remember this is about standing out. Disregard the thought that you would give him anything if you could keep him. Know it's out of the question.
And know if you call things off now, it will leave him longing. And know you will win because the other boys will see it.
Know you'll find someone just as good. Better. Forget that you were beginning to fall for him.
Max
Smile at Becca and ignore the hurt in her eyes. Recognize that she won't leave you because you made her who she is. Identify your own power. Say goodbye and kiss her cheek. Pay no attention to the scent of lavender and sadness.
Spot Rylen before the assembly. Don't think about how pretty she is or how much you want to run your hands through her hair just one more time. Wonder what makes this girl tick. Wonder.
Rylen
Allow the magnetism to pull yourself closer to him. Wait five minutes before walking into the assembly. Give yourselves a chance to make an entrance.
Overlook the flicker in your heart and the feeling of hope when the door to the exit opens momentarily. Inhale the spring season. Recognize possibility.
Walk in. Savor the whispers because you've made ripples in the lives of those who matter in this school.
Don't listen to a word he says. Don't change your mind. Sit next to him and memorize the way he smells. Memorize the way he smiles.
Try to deny that you will carry this, your nearly first time, your unintentional first love, your feelings. Know they will resurface every spring. But also know you are the winner here.
Wallow in the notion that in the story of your life, you are the writer. Learn that happy endings come in many forms.
Know that for the rest of your life you will think of him and smile because he thinks he's the one taking advantage of you.
Move on. Move up.
