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✦ { Kailyn } Pristine's Problem

Reviewer: Kailucy

Client: sparklet11

Cover: 8/10

The cover is so cute! The color scheme is eye-catching and I love the cartoonish look.

I changed the score after I read the story.. While the cover is cute as I mentioned above, it doesn't really go with the plot. The vibes from the cover say: love problems. Which in a sense is true but the story overall, has a darker vibe so I don't think the cover resembles that the best.

Title: 9/10

The title is good. I usually judge this mostly on how likely I'd be to pick it up if I came across it. And I think I'd probably click on it to see what it'd be about. It describes the plot simply but doesn't give everything away. At first glance I honestly thought it was going to go a different way but I was pleasantly surprised at what the problem actually was.

Blurb: 9/10

The blurb would make me want to read on. It does a good job at setting up the plot and gives a brief introduction to the characters. I liked the questions you asked at the end. I'm mostly curious about whether Pristine will be able to clear her name or not.

The only thing that brought this down was that I did notice a mistake or two. They weren't major but it wouldn't be a bad idea to look over it and fix it.

Otherwise, the blurb is well written and could convince a potential reader to open the book up.

Character: 9/10

The characters are well written and interesting. I found myself engaged in their stories and I can't wait to see what else they'll do. I hope Pristine gets her name cleared. Alan seems like a decent friend to her right now, hopefully it stays that way. I do feel like you're on a good track with them so far, and I can see a few different ways the characters could develop. I'm curious to see if my predictions are correct.

Plot: 20/20

The ending of chapter one! I knew something was going to happen but that still took me by surprise. The way you set it up was perfect. The way the wish was worded foreshadowed the cliffhanger but it was still surprising to read. The 'perfumes' clearly need to learn what a metaphor is. But unfortunately for Pristine they haven't gotten that far in their language class.

Chapter two had a character switch. I enjoyed reading about the family. It's cool how all the kids' names start with A. I also liked how even though they're 'super' they still act like a normal family. Poor Avril.

I wonder when they'll find out who killed Adrian.
I think you wrote the family relationships realistically, especially for a big family. I have a big family so it was interesting to see it portrayed here and I think you did a wonderful job with it. The small jab with Arabella and the kitchen sounds like something my siblings and I would say to our brother.

The progression in just the first five chapters. The pacing was perfectly done. I couldn't put it down once I started. Quite a few chapters ended on cliffhangers which was great and got me excited to continue on.

Writing style: 18/20

The descriptions were well done and I actually like the narration style.

There were a few moments I felt the writing read a little off but it wasn't a huge deal.

The vocabulary was nice, I loved most of the words you chose, but there were a few times a simpler word would've been just fine. But it's your choice and it does add a certain quality to your writing style. I personally love an expansive vocabulary but sometimes it's better to simply get the point across. (This isn't to say never use the bigger words, just don't overdo them if that makes sense)

Grammar/spelling/vocabulary: 9/10

There were a few mistakes I caught. I also mentioned a few things above about vocabulary.
Chapter three:
Would make more sense if it said: "Someone who hated his friend, had deliberately murdered HIM through Pristine."

Chapter four:

Would sound better if it said: "Are you even aware of how much money I have spent for your payment?" Honestly I feel like payment could be replaced with a different word but it's not that big of a deal.

Chapter five:
"Things are even worse than you think."

Enjoyment: 10/10

I really enjoyed this a lot. I was tempted to finish it cause I was so engaged in the story. I will definitely be continuing.

Overall: 92/100

Overall, you have a wonderful story. The characters have a lot of personality and the plot is immersive. There were a few off moments with wording but other than that your story is great. Keep writing!