The fire burns behind my eyes.
I will not cry, not here, not when they can see.
This smile is genuine, but will not reach my eyes
I can't let them concern themselves with me.
This is our night, a night to be wild and free
When everyone shows love and beauty shines,
And tonight is wonderful, so why must I see
A broken heart that my mind chooses to confine.
A selfish thought, I am blind to see
I really thought she would want to see me.
I try to tell myself it isn't worth the thought
But the words in my throat are caught.
I tried to let you in, you know this is true.
You had me convinced it really mattered to you.
But this is the thanks that I get for trying.
Seems I really was better off lying.
Ofcourse I miss you, what child wouldn't?
Atleast I do try. But deal with it all? I just couldn't.
With every mistake a mental beating in return,
With every opinion, demeaning comments I would earn.
All I ever hoped for was to be appreciated for who I am.
Strange, Crazy, Polite, but loving in all ways I can.
I love you more than you know, but a mind can only take so much,
And I'm afraid all the kind words in my heart have lost their touch.
I am strong, you told me all the time.
But I don't think you ever really knew how much.
You put everything on my shoulders
and not once did you ask if it was too much.
I grew up too quick to make up for what was lost;
learning on my own with every mistake and fault,
And yet I have learned the ever growing cost
Of what it meant to take the blame and put, on me, the fault.
Love is a weapon and a tool.
I love you despite the torture you put me through,
But to be blind, I would be a fool,
Not to see that you only seem to think of you.
As a child I have endured all this pain.
Not once did I think I could save myself, not with you.
I was never in this fight for any personal gain,
But I have a sister that you have hurt too.
Without her, my life would have ended long ago.
She is my loving rock, keeping me here.
It is she who lifted me from when I was low,
And led me to believe that I shouldn't have fear.
Love is blind, but love is strong.
There are times we love with our hearts
and there are times that we love with our souls.
You bring darkness into my mind, but I know in this that I am not wrong.
I love you, Brianna. You are the best sister I could ever have.
