About me no one else

31/1/2024 wednesday

Im ilya im 17 year old this year,i have a divorce parents...both of my parents remarried with they new partner and found finally found they new family and life happy ever after,but NOT ME of course it not my happiness when my parents remarried with another people and left me all ALONE.

Ok let me explain,my parents divorced when i was still small like around 6,7 like that and my mom found some black guy and start dating him for his money at first cuz she have to take care of 3 child all alone cuz,my father dont care about us after they're divorce,so after my mother start dating this guy my mother start falling for him cuz he got money and he can buy whatever my mother want,even when our house caught on fire he the first one to help my mother by giving her "money" to repair the house and always there for her.
So after a few months they know each other they decide to get married,he say all sweetest thing to my mother like he would take care of her,take good care of my siblings,and make my family happy again like a freaking fairy tale...at first maybe he look like a sweet guy he take us to travel around the country talk nicely,but everything we need,pay for our food and home everything just like a father figure should do...
Now it already been 12 year since they got married and they also already got a child together one girl and one boy nice just like a happy family.
But in all in front of another people eyes cuz the reason he got married to my mother is just because he need to married someone to stay at this country and continue his study or else he must get out of this country.he also ask for all the money he provide for us and start beating up my mother like punch her or slapping her even worse kicking her until her body full of burst and sometimes blood.
It all because she ask money to buy some food for us he give 200$-300$ monthly and expect some luxury food for dinner every day if my mother ask for extra money he will nagging all day saying that my mother just know how to ask for money and she must go to work to have her own money cuz he doesn't want to responsibly for us anymore cuz me and my siblings are just some another dude child and it not his responsibility to take care of us and our father still alive so my mother should just give us to our father and stop take care of us cuz it a waste of money to take care of us.
My stepdad now travels all around another country and enjoy "his life" all over again,he travel to turkeys and German and some other country and enjoy "his life" without care about us here he usually stay out about 3 months and come back here cuz he use my mother visa he keep saying that he go out there to make money to take care of us but it just a excuse he enjoy leaving alone and not to take card about anyone, he enjoy his self and have woman all over his days and night and travel all the places .
Awile us over here having trouble buy to some  rice and chicken to a for that day everything was on budget even there's hole in our shirts we must ignore it or sewing it up so we dont feel ashamed to wear that clothes even went we go out we must wear that kind of clothes awile he wear a newest shirt jeans and shoe.

I do not feel like a family i feel more like a maid cuz we need to clean the house every on time must wash all the plates he use and wash all the clothes we must pay for our own internet and buy our own clothes to wear.even maid out there got they payment every month at least $1800+ every month but us? What do we got we got nothing in return not even a thank you to do all the chores at home is it so hurt to say thanks?
So from there's I realised that if i want to stay alive in this world I must work my butt off and start making my own money or else people will look down on me over and over again. i lost my own self i went from happy go lucky kid to some freaking that make angry face and straight face all the time but sometimes went I really enjoy that moment my old self come back but it not last longer cuz i will regret it later on it like i was not allowed to feel happy at all cuz everything i enjoy myself something bad will happen to me later on.why is it so hard to feel happy? Why cant i enjoy my teenage year peaceful like other kid that have a happy family and not a divorce family that can spend time with there dad and mom together without care.
It so not fair that i must take care of his feelings and everyone feelings but no one care bout MINE i got s FEELING TOO i can still feel pain im a HUMAN BEING not a ROBOT that have no feelings I want to feel like a one family like all my friends family to not this kind of family i hate it so MUCH all other teenagers at my age have a nice family that support them and spent time together but me i dont even feel comfortable around them, went around them they always ask to do everything that why now i always stay in my room it my comfort place the only place i can trust in this house place that i can be what ever i want to be without being judge my other by wearing ugly clothes or being shame about how my body look or being judge cuz not having a money or anything.