"We should talk to her".
"She is at home all day long and does nothing".
They don't understand how weak your legs have begun to feel when you walk. They don't get it. You work a couple of days a week and it consumes all of your energy. Have they forgotten you have been waiting for a doctors appointment for more than half a year to see why you are so so d*mn tired All. The. Time?
You feel ashamed of hoping that the cause of the fatigue is some serious disease although it wouldn't be such bad news, at least you will know that it is not, in fact, in your head. There will be an actual reason for you to not be able to be as energetic as you were years ago.
People might actually understand that you aren't lazy, that you haven't chosen to lay in the sofa all day long.
They might actually understand that you couldn't do anything else even if you would've wanted to.
Your bloodwork seems fine but you don't know more than that... how could you? You have been waiting for so long to see a doctor, someone who could put together all the pieces and come up with a solution to your never ending symptoms. Hopefully it's something that requires treatment for you to finally be understood. Every day you cross your fingers, hoping that the doctor someday in the future does not say "we found nothing, you are fine" because you are desperate for answers. You want it cured, the devil called tiredness.
Maybe I am lazy,
maybe it is all in my head.
But I hope not.
