(Niam/Larry) Through It All

Chapter 1

My hotel room in France was quite a lovely place, really. It was a room with one bed with a lamp on a bedside table beside it. The walls were painted in that almost metallic gold color that only hotels seem to ever use, and the carpet was soft. Random paintings of things like ducks and cans of milk were on the walls, and they contributed to a warm feeling in the room. However, I could not ever think of France as a fun place to be after tonight.

As I sat on my bed in the hotel in France with my head resting on the headboard, I could hear moans coming from the room beside me. It was occupied by Zayn and Liam, who were boyfriends, who did everything together. I'd never heard such profane and explicit words coming from their rooms before, and even though it probably sounds creepy, like I'm stalking them, I was guessing it was their first time. If I was a normal bandmate, I wouldn't care, and I would be happy for them and probably tease them a bit, but I wasn't a normal bandmate; I had the biggest crush on Liam.

The rest of the band was bi, and I was the only gay one — which was kind of a humorous thing because the fans always assume that I'm the only straight one when it's quite the opposite, in fact. 

Nextdoor to the right was Harry and Louis' flat. Feeling tears sting my eyes, I climbed off of my bed and walked over to their door, knocking quietly. Harry answered looking disheveled, probably having been interrupted mid-makeout. At first, he looked a bit surprised, but when he saw tears welled up in my eyes, his expression softened, and he let me in.

The tears started to fall silently, so Harry put his arms around me and pulled me into his tight embrace. Louis approached us too; his whole shirt was unbuttoned, and his hair was worse than Harry's. Harry's was pretty bad.

Our hotel wasn't exactly the largest hotel ever; it was just a small two-floor place with about 20 rooms because we really didn't want any fan mobs. We figured it was probably safe to stay in a smaller hotel. Plus someone recently threatened Harry via Twitter. Usually we don't make note of things like that, but for some reason it had seemed more threatening than usual to our security, so Paul put us here as a precaution.

Harry sat on the floor with me, letting me cry for a while, as Louis sympathetically rubbed my back in circles. Both of them knew about my feelings toward Liam. I'd told them about a year ago... Apparently they could at least somewhat hear the noises Zayn and Liam were making because they didn't even question my motives behind appearing at their doorway in tears.

"Niall," Harry said. I lifted my head off of his chest and looked up at him. "Are you hungry?"

"A bit," I nodded my head slowly, and when Harry got up to leave for the kitchen, I let myself fall into Louis' arms.

"I know how you feel, Nialler," Louis kissed my forehead and played with my hair; I was used to these acts of affection from the sweet couple. They always knew exactly how to cheer me up.

"You understand my hunger or my sadness?" I joked.

"Uh...." he pretended to think. "Both."

"Here," Harry reappeared and handed me a warm slice of pizza.

"Thanks, Harry. You know I love you guys," I smiled weakly, trying to show them how grateful I was but not really finding the energy.

"You know we love you too, Niall," Louis grinned as I munched on the pizza. Most people find this strange, but I do like the crust of the pizza best.

By the time I finished eating, the noises had stopped, and I realized how hungry I still was. The few minutes I spent with Louis and Harry had made me feel loads better.

"Well, I'll leave you guys to your...." I paused for a second. "Stuff," I laughed. "Love you."

Without giving them time to respond, I walked out their door and shut it quietly before going into my room to think about what to eat. Tacos were a preference at the time, but I was lazy, and other people were busy, so I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and looked out the window. Stars were coming out, and the streetlights were on. Couples strolled down the street, making the city seem awake and alive even in dead hours of the night and making me feel a bit lonely, but I wasn't a person who whined about being single, so I never said anything about it. 

Since I was bored, I took out my phone and texted my best friend, (other than the boys, of course) Ambrosia. She had a round face, sparkly blue eyes, and long dark brown hair. Though I was gay, I still recognized beauty when I saw it and found myself staring at her sometimes just to appreciate her innate attractiveness.

Anyway, I sent her a message asking if she'd make me some tacos.

From: Ambrosia — No, I'm still in London, you weirdo. -.-

Her message made me chuckle. To: Ambrosia — Please? How about cybertacos?

It took her a moment to respond. From: Ambrosia — Fine. *makes cybertacos* there, are you happy? I'm tired!

To: Ambrosia — Fiiiiiine..... Talk to you tomorrow

From: Ambrosia — :)

She went to sleep, apparently, so I sat and stared at the wall blankly for a moment before looking out the window. Lovey-dovey couples were  walking down the streets arm in arm, and it caused a pang of loneliness in my chest that I ignored. Sighing, I decided to call it a night and go to sleep. 

~

 "Nialler, wake up," Liam demanded, knocking on the door.

"But why," I groaned, drawing out the why and putting a pillow on my face. I acted like I was disgruntled by him waking me up, but honestly, I wouldn't mind waking up to his voice like that every day, even if it wasn't with him beside me but instead at the door. 

"Do you wanna go jogging with me or not?" he asked, a sigh evident in his voice. As if I wouldn't.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," I grinned, though he couldn't see me. "I'll be at your door in five."

"'Kay," he walked away from my door, so I quickly proceeded to change into some shorts and a white muscle shirt and slipped on my shoes.

Jogging with Liam was a normal thing for me, but since today was our last day in France, he had actually promised me a jog, and I was extremely glad that I could have a few minutes with him and away from Zayn. It wasn't like I hated Zayn or anything; I loved Zayn very much, but sometimes I did get jealous, and sometimes I just wanted some time with Liam. 

Liam's room was left of mine, so there wasn't a large time lapse between the time he woke me and the time when I left my room and knocked on the door. When he answered, he was still pulling on his shorts. "That was like five seconds, Ni..."

"Sorry, at least it wasn't five hours," I laughed and plopped on his bed to wait for him to finish dressing. "You know, I didn't actually specify."

"Whatever, Niall," he smiled as he pulled on his shoes. "Let's go."

When we stepped outside, I almost hissed because the air had a chill to it, but fortunately there was no wind. Dew drops still rested on the grass and the sun was still rising. It couldn't have been more than 35 degrees, but here we were in normal summer clothing ready for a jog at the break of dawn. The streets were nearly empty, though, and I kind of liked how calm France was in the mornings. If I thought that France wouldn't remind me of Zayn and Liam having passionate sex in the room beside mine for the rest of my life, I probably would've wanted to come back.

"Gawd, Liam, it's early," I complained.

"Of course it is! We're leaving France today for our Christmas Break at noon," he reasoned as we started jogging.

"Yeah, noon, Liam. It can't be later than six thirty," I pointed out.

"Well, it's not like you missed much sleep. I came by your room at eight and you were out cold," he said with a valid point, making me huff in resignation. I thought it was a little odd that he had decided to come to my room after obviously having sex with Zayn, but I kept quiet about it.

For a while, we jogged in silence, watching as foreigners as France woke up, appreciating its early-morning beauty until, in the middle of the jog, I spoke up, smiling painfully. "So the whole world heard you and Zayn last night."

rewritten on 1/22/16