Saikyō || The Strongest, Book 2
"That girl you fell in love with," I started, feeling Satoru's attention immediately shift to me. "What was she like?"
I could see his eyes visibly soften at the mention of his first love. "She's something even my inf...
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"I love you," I repeated. No response came from Satoru and it nearly tore my heart into pieces, but I knew I was in no position to dwell in my own sufferings. I made him wait for years, hid the twins from him. Still, I wanted him to know my true feelings no matter how undeserving I was of his love. "I've been missing you..."
It was ten years too late, but I thought ten years was enough. I couldn't have Satoru hurting for years more.
But my words froze on my throat when I willed myself to look at him and found no expression on his eyes. Like the icy shade of blue they were, they gazed at me with indifference. His body was calm, presenting no reaction towards what I said.
There was nothing.
As if my confession did not reach him, he tore himself away from my body effortlessly. The way my heart dropped to my stomach when his warmth left my skin led me to wrap my arms around myself. The only consolation I could hold on to was that he did not look repulsed by me. At the very least.
The unsecure feeling within my chest awoke and impelled my guts to writhe in anxiousness. I had only found the confidence to try with him now, but if Satoru were to tell me it was too late, I knew I had no right to demand anything.
I was cruel to him.
Like how humans were to me, I left Satoru with no choice on the most important things. I denied him a chance to prove himself, to protect me, to love and cherish me as he promised years ago– only to save myself from my fears.
I was playing with him in a game he did not consent to or even knew. I wasn't any better than those who disregarded his feelings because he was deemed the strongest. I cared only about myself that even until now, I kept starting everything with "I" and ending it with "me."
"We should head back," was all Satoru said through the painful silence. He walked past me and grabbed the keys on the sleek, marbled coffee table. "Miura-san said the children are looking for us. They will insist on coming here if you don't return sooner."
While I wore my heart on my sleeves, I was left with only pieces in my hands. But I couldn't move. I couldn't open my mouth to complain. If Satoru's response shattered my heart into thousands, I first broke his into a million pieces. It was my fault. What I thought was best for him was unsolicited protection.
"Satoru..." His name rolled out of my lips as I meekly tried my luck again, calling out to him in pleading whispers. The lump on my throat was getting harder to swallow, but I repeated his name like in prayer. Within those three syllables lie all my fraught hopes. "Satoru."
Please look back at me.
"Satoru." One more. It was selfish of me, but I couldn't give up. I had to have an excuse to hold his hand and stop him. I knew if he walked away now, he might just walk away from me forever.
"It scares me. Everything about our situation scares me." It might be the most vague and nonsensical reason, but my head was spinning. My thoughts were scattered all over the place. Years worth of worries, even from when we were in high school, found their way to my lips at the very moment.
