Do you think of last july like I do ?

You don't know how much I'd give you.

I feel like I can't love anybody else, everytime i see a pretty boy, i just think "oh he is pretty, but he isn't as much as him". I don't want to love anybody else, I am scared it will end like it did with you, i do not want to cry every nights thinking about a boy who probably forgot about me. I know i didn't deserve it and you knew it too. Do you ever think of me ? Do you even remember my name ? Do you remember the things we shared ? The eyes contacts we used to have ?
I hope you do, because you know, there is not a week, a day, a hour where i don't think about you. My whole life used to be about you, during months everything i did was for you.
I woke up in the morning for you, i dressed for you, i came to school for you, Every fucking things i did was for you and Only you.
You never saw anything romantic between us. But I did, and you knew it, i told you, so why you make me believe you did ?
Why did you send me mixed signals ?
Because when you are not a psychotic, sociopath born without a soul, you dont do this. Why ? Why you let me believe that you liked me ? I even told you that you could tell me that you dont, i've told you and you Only apologize, you said you were "clumsy" but its not an excuse, clumsy people have a heart and you don't. You never cared about me. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never. Never.

The thought that you never liked me shatter my soul even more.
Really ? You really never liked me ? So i was just fucking insane. I know its not your fault, im the one who came to you, im the one who liked you first but couldnt you just told me that it will never work ? So I could have saved myself before it was too late. It will Soon be a month. A whole month. And i still didnt move on. I remember telling myself back in june "if it dont work between us, i'll have summer to heal and move on". We are in september. I just wasted my whole summer trying to make us work. You make me wasted my summer.

Everything reminds me of you, sometimes i catch myself looking for you around school but then, i remember that you finished highschool 3months ago. And then, i just stand there, wanting to cry as I remember last year, when i still believe that you and me will be possible. Sometimes, when i walk past classrooms where I used to see you, I stop, and I look into them remembering when, last year, I walked past them and, when i saw you, instantly my day became better, it became the best day of my entire life.

I'll give everything to wake up one day, look at my phone and see a message from you, even if it is Only one message, even if it is to tell me that you do not like me. So atleast, i'll know that you felt bad for me and what you did. Because do you ? Do you ever think "i should Maybe have acted differently with this girl ? She used to be really in love with me, Maybe I was too dry ? She didn't deserve what I did".

Everyday i think that i finally move on, but, when come the night, and i am alone in the dark with Only my thoughts and no distraction, I understand that i do not. I was just distracted. I feel like i cant be happy now, without you, i always feel like something is missing. Even when i am with my friends, i don't feel completely happy like I used to.

I still cherish Every little things that reminds me of you. You know, I really dont want to move on, because i still believe there's hope, but there's not and I cant make myself understand this, i really cant because i want you and me, i want this love story i've been dreaming about, i want it so bad, i could Die just to relive my Life and Go back to the beginning, back in April, and change the way i did things, to hope that the way everything went will change too.

I wish you loved me, I wish you cared, I wish I was enough for you and I am sorry i was not.
I love you