I've always written about things that have happened in my life but I've never written about my story,
So here we go
When I was born to the age of 8 I've always been somewhat Ill it would be anything like chicken pox or a really bad tonsillitis to the point I couldn't breath, so my parents got fed up of it, so they took me for tests after tests, after so many unnecessary tests they still couldn't find the problem so our last hope was the hospital we went to my local doctors and they sent me to the hospital, which sent me blue lighted over to Birmingham childresns hospital, that's when they found out I had cancer a rare type of cancer I had CGD blood cancer, nobody knew about the illness locally so there was a whole Nother community nobody knew about, my only way to "cure" the cancer, was chemotherapy and a bone marrow transplant, but for that to take place they needed to find a donor and what caused the cancer because my type of cancer is genetic, they tested everyone and only my brother come it positive they caught it early for him so he had his treatment first in a hospital in London, after his treatment was sorted and done, they tried to find a donor for me which took from age 8-14 , we found one but lockdown hit and I caught Covid, found another and they pulled out, found another a luckily they stuck they were a 21 year old female from Poland and I'm very greatfull without her I wouldn't be where I am today even tho I'm not the greatest person in the world she helped me here, and I hope one day I'm the future to meet her, but travelling back time I had to get my eggs frozen, which consists of needles in the hip every night, and hormone tablets at that time we had to keep travelling back and forth to London so we decided to get a hotel and stay in there till my egg freezing was over, I went through all that and they only managed to get 1 egg, during the time of the whole treatment I got that depressed I turned to self harm, but could you blame me ? I was stuck in the same 4 walls 24/7 so I had nothing else to do self harm didn't help it made me more depressed so I did it more and in more places, when the blade hit my skin I felt relief like I've finally taken control but then that feeling would go away, so I did it more and more, it was a really shitty thing to do I know that I'm a year cancer free and wish I could go back and be the old me , cancer changed me in ways i wish it didn't , I miss my long hair, I miss not feeling Ill all day everyday, I miss not being in pain and most of all I miss not thinking that everything pain, every cough is my cancer coming back, I miss not feeling scared, and it's showing I want to be able to push my emotions deep down but they keep spilling uncontrollably and I don't know how to cover that up
I want to turn back time, and never been born
