Monday 9th, 2011
7:58 PM
I can't live like this anymore. For a while, I was able to push away my suicidal thoughts. Because it seemed like everything would be okay. Like maybe, for once in my life, things would be okay.
How foolish of me.
Lately, things have been quite bleak for me. And I was hoping that things would change. I was really hoping that things would change. But they never did. I've even set a date for myself.
October 31st. The day I was born will be the day I die.
Sometimes, I think it's a strange coincidence, you know? I'm what people would consider a dark child and then my birthday just falls on Halloween. But it never bothered me. In fact, I always found it kind of cool. I would always get more candy when we went trick-or-treating. "You know," I would start off, "it's my birthday." They would give me a small sad smile and fill my bag up to the rim. Now that I think about it, I don't know if they gave me the candy because it was my birthday or because I had scars. I really don't know.
Thinking about my death makes me sad sometimes. I think about all the things that'll never happen.
I'll never feel the warmth of the sun hitting my cheeks. Never feel the cold air nipping at my cheeks. Never feel the rain as it would pour down and soak me. And I'd never laugh and sing in the rain like I would all the time. Never. I'd never hear the birds chirp or the wind howling or the rain hitting the ground softly and then drip into a puddle. I'd never get married or have kids.
It's the things like that make me sad.
But then I think about everything else. I'd never get made fun of again. I'd never be hit again. I'd never be abused again. I'd never be picked on. I'd never be in pain again. I'd never have to suffer. Because, in death, there would be nothing bad.
It's funny, isn't it? How one little thing can change everything. One action can make or break you. A couple of words can make the rest of your life. Or end it.
And that decision, that one little decision, broke me.
That was it. That made up my mind. I'm going to go through with it. This is my decision. I could blame my mother. Maybe, if she hadn't beaten me today, I wouldn't have made this choice. But I'm not going to play the blame game. At least, not right now. Because in the end, the only person who could control it was me.
This was it. These would be my last months of life.
YOU ARE READING
Broken Hearts and Bloody Wrists
Teen Fiction"There's a story behind every person. There's a reason why they're the way they are. They aren't just like that because they want to. Something in the past created them, and sometimes it's impossible to fix them." Sometimes, you just have to try to...
