Route No Path

Cogitation

Sleeping late of night kept  Me Weak, poor and unhappy, the sky was cloudy at 15:00.
The blinds in my room were down.
(which vampire)

I felt like the king of the world for waking up at whatever time I wanted, by then I no longer had a boss because I depended by my own.

I "could" do it.

Not having an alarm clock became it was a symbol for me that I was out of the system.

However, I was making one of the GREATEST MISTAKES OF MY LIFE...

There is a big difference between being able to go to bed late and not being able to sleep because you did not meet the expectations of the day...

(because you choose) expectations that must be met BECAUSE YOU ARE DISCIPLINED.

The consequence of this?

The lack of control in my sleep schedules produced:

❌ Lack of control in my wealth (my income was not constant, some months I even had a hard time to make ends meet)

❌ Lack of control in my professionalism (I was not constant with my students, I was far from being the Mentor I hoped to become)

❌ Lack of control in my relationships (I attracted couples with uncontrolled lives... just like mine was)

❌ Lack of control in other habits that I wanted to promote (I didn't read, I didn't eat healthy... I couldn't be constant there even if I wanted to)

Until one of my Mentors told me A SENTENCE that changed everything...

"How You Do the Small... is How You Do the Big"

( Read It again)

You can't control your finances

You can't control your professional life

You cannot attract the partner that you dream of attracting

You cannot create consistent and healthy habits

YOU CAN NOT DO THAT...

If you are NOT EVEN ABLE to control something as simple as THE TIME YOU PUT YOUR BODY IN BED

My excuses then?

These were my CHEAP excuses:

❌ I want to enjoy new experiences (Carpe Diem)

❌ I feel old if I go to sleep soon

❌ I won't be able to have a rich social life if I go to sleep early

❌ I won't be able to see my people

❌ Blah...blah...blah...

AND THE BAD THING IS THAT I BELIEVED IT.

However, the only reality was one that I did not dare to assume:

NO.

WAS.

ABLE.

I WAS NOT ABLE TO CONTROL MY SLEEP AND REST.

I JUST COULD NOT GO TO SLEEP AT THE TIME I CHOSE.

It made me see that it was not so important to choose the time to go to bed...

But the reality was that I was trapped with CRAZY sleeping schedules and that I couldn't get out of there even if I wanted to.

It was 9:00 p.m. on any given day...

The excuses started in my head...

"No... it's that I want to watch a Netflix series...

"No... 15 more minutes watching networks" (the 15 minutes became 4 hours)

"No... it's just that my friends have told me to go out" (people with horrible habits with whom I hung out and after 2 hours I was already drunk and returned at dawn and with great difficulty managed to put the key in the lock of the house)

The consequence of all this?

The WORST possible.

I DID NOT START MY NEXT DAY...

It was started by a version of me that ACCEPTED having a life without CONTROL

I didn't respect me.

It was then that I became aware of doing these little things well.

Another of the most complex facets of independence was my economic system.

I DID NOT TAKE CARE OF MY MONEY AND INSTEAD I DID NOT SAVE FOR A FUTURE.

I used my money to please people in order to feel that I could handle everything

MY IGNORANCE

the true cause of all this was filling that void called loneliness....

Emotional instability, financially having liabilities, mentally wrong was becoming the beginning of a search for the light that will illuminate that darkness.