to all the beautiful souls who helped me believe in myself as a writer,
this is a letter to you, and in a way, a letter to myself – my past and my present – as well. it's a letter two years in the making, but i think my heart may have begun writing it long before my head was aware. it's a letter that sheds a shell i once found comfort in, but have now overgrown. it's a letter that breaks me and heals me at the same time. it's a letter i feared and fear and will fear forever.
it took me two years of searching for the courage to be honest with myself and with you. and today, as i finalize this note to you, my anxious fingers are shaking because i'm letting go of an identity i've worn proudly, loved passionately, and nurtured deeply for five years. my reluctant heart is racing because i'm failing in my obligation as a writer to you, my reader. my soul, five-years-younger, is aching because i'm bidding a permanent farewell to some of my sweetest memories.
after countless hours and long nights deep in thought and conversation, i have decided to remove my writing from wattpad. it's a decision that pains me in more ways than one and more immensely than I can explain, but deep within me, i know it should have been done a long time ago. i've lied to both you and myself in numerous ways, excusing my absence on my studies, my creativity blocks, and my availability but the truth is so much simpler, so much clearer, and so very unavoidable to me now. i won't disclose it here in full, but suffice to say that there existed a glaring disparity between the worlds I wrote and the world I lived in: in the principles of my characters and the principles I held true in my every action taken and word uttered.
i know I'm wronging you, who's stuck around since the very beginning. you, who showered me with encouragement and expanded my belief in my writing ability. you, who told your friends about my work and chatted with them in my comments. and you, who only just entered the world of case closed or june or timeless and haven't yet reached the end. i vividly recall my favorite writers posting this same note and being frustrated at how horribly unfair it was. i'm so sorry for then doing the same to you. i'm more sorry for my selfishness in postponing this if even for one more compliment or theory or conversation between readers in my notification box. even now, my heart breaks at the knowledge that the comments i've just received – the requests to continue june and the predictions on case closed and the final thoughts on timeless – will be the last I see.
though I'm not going anywhere and aim to keep connected with u all, i want to seal my letter with a sincere 'thank you' to the 975 souls who helped me believe in myself as a writer. i've grown so much more than i could've possibly imagined here; i honed my most cherished craft and discovered my writing style, i created characters that i love and will always love deep deep deeply, i spoke to and interacted with hundreds of lovely people from all kinds of backgrounds, and i stumbled upon some of the best friends i could ever ask for. thank you owl, my first ever writer friend, for encouraging me unwaveringly and critiquing me as u would urself. thank you tee, tats, toni, eve, kari, ari, kat, mave, sae, and juve for holding my hand, keeping me standing, coming to my rescue, and just being the best squad on this orange app. and most importantly, thank you, my readers, for being the most intelligent, wise, and kind individuals and for supporting me so strongly with your beautiful words. i love u all so so much. please stop by every once in a while to say hi, or else i'll miss you too much and that'll be too painful to bear.
nothing but love,
ro
