as we know~

as we know~
"PLEASE WAKE UP," I plead with tears filling my eyes, "I STILL NEED YOU," I scream but he doesn't seem to hear me.
The flashing lights of the ambulance began to fill the darkness of the night and the sirens blaring so loud I thought it would awake Grey from his sleep.  Well, I was hoping it would.  Once they turned the lights and sirens off the ambulance I realized he was really gone.
I tried climbing into the back of the ambulance but with every attempt I became weaker and weaker.  The lady who had put Grey inside grabbed my arm and helped me in, because I couldn't see from the swollenness around my eyes from crying.  I leaned down and held Grey's hand the whole ride to the funeral home.  I kissed him goodbye and walked home but I wasn't really sure how far away from home I really was.
By the time I made it home someone was calling me to tell me my car was being towed, because it was in the parking lot  by the river at 6am and that was against the law.  I literally wanted to just start my life all over that day but I was tired.  My whole body was weak after the long walk when I arrived at my apartment and made it inside. My body collapsed against the door and I began to sob so loudly I'm surprised the neighbors didn't start questioning but I eventually fell asleep.
~~~2 years later~~~ 
Hello.  I am Brianna.  I am going to tell you the story of how I lost my best friend.  How much it took a toll on me.  If you want to listen to the rest of this depressing story (which I am hoping you will)  "please remember if you need any help there are people who are going through the same things reach out and someone will be there for you.  Please don't end your life."  That is one saying I stole from the radio 1 year ago when I finally got off my butt and started working and "moving on"?  But anyways let's get this start-- I said with a sigh.
Losing your friends and family is usually really hard for someone. They go into a deep depression for years and it's hard to even get off the couch, but for Grey's family they move and forget all about him.
On the other hand I've been quite angry at everyone in the world for not being able to help my best friend while I was away.  As soon as I got the call I drove right to where my best friend's dead body laid out blood was splattered everywhere it was the worst sight I had ever seen. 
Grey has been suffering from depression for many years. His family would always make it seem like a joke and never got him the help he needed, but I was always there. I made sure he ate, I made sure he had a shoulder to cry on and I made sure he got rest at night.  When I left everything was okay, but his family didn't care so they left him alone.
He went for a walk and his body was found alongside the river with a shot to his brain.  I would explain this in more detail but it makes me sick to even think of this.  I cried so hard that day my face felt like it was stuck in the ugly crying position. My mouth was half open as I was begging for air and tears streamed down my face for so long my eyes began to turn red and I couldn't see anything at all. 
It felt like someone had reached into my chest twisting and pulling at my heart till it plopped out into their hands.  Then they stomped on it right in front of my face as I fell to the ground begging for air.  My heart was broken.
The days seemed to get longer and darker, the only thing I did was lay in bed, walk to the bathroom every once in a while and fall to the floor crying.  The anger had most control over my body and I was beginning to hate myself for who I was becoming, but what was I to do after the most important person of my life was shot in the brain laying there with no-one. 
Was it my fault for leaving town that day?  No, he was fine.  It's not your fault, I kept telling myself but my hands get sweaty and my legs begin to shake.  I am weak.
I plead on my knees everyday to just talk to him, see his smiling face when we would go swimming late at night in the same place I found his body.  But I can't go back in time.  The only thing I can do is wait?  Wait for my own death?  Or should I move on?  Move on from my best friend?  No.  I can't.
I would constantly lay in bed trying to imagine what was going through his brain.  What was causing these images in his head?  Was his family manipulating him?  

Grey's pov~ 
I was tired of always feeling so weak...as if no-one needed me.  My parents were always telling me I was just pretending to be depressed.  They would tell me I was a joke and they were never there to help me when all the pain they brought to me made me want to die.  At times I would sit in my room and wonder why I was even alive.  People always say everything happens for a reason, but why was my family treating me like I was nothing. 
Only one person cared enough to be there, Brianna.  I tried remembering that, but it was getting hard when all the voices around me expect one was screaming at me, "I HATE YOU GREY", "GO AWAY", "YOUR NOT EVEN NEEDED IN THIS FAMILY", "YOUR A LIAR", "YOU'RE NOT DEPRESSED QUIT FAKING!"  It was painful enough to hear it all but even harder to block it all out. 
3 hours after dinner and it was midnight, I decided to go for a jog.  Before I left I filled my backpack with a water bottle and my dad's gun.  I plugged my headphones into my phone, turned on 'It's Getting Bad Again', turned up the volume and the lyrics began to fill up my brain.
"And I think I understood it was getting bad again, when a smile became more difficult to produce than a frown."  These lyrics really hit, it was so hard for me to focus on the positive or push out all the negative thoughts or not listen to the hateful people in my life.
I slowed my jog when I came to the river.  It was me and Brianna's favorite place. The reason I stopped was because I thought it would make me happy, but running through my head was the last thing my mom said to me, "GET OUT!"  She wanted me to leave so bad so here I am putting a gun up to my head.
I slowly began to pull the trigger.  Once I pulled it all the way back I heard a loud pop and I fell to the ground and it felt as if my soul lifted out of my body.  I watched as my best friend pulled into the parking lot at 4:45am.  It almost made me feel bad for killing myself and knowing I had someone so close who would have hugged me, let me break her trophies from soccer and volleyball till I was feeling okay again, but I chose the easy way for myself and the hard way for my best friend Brianna. 
I watched her run down the hill falling to the floor as she saw the hole through my head, my brain laying partly out on the floor and blood was splattered all over the leaves and grass in the surrounding area.  I watched her as she looked around for anything else she spotted my backpack and a little paper sticking out of it. 
After all it was a note for her, but I was supposed to hand it to her not have her find my dead body and open backpack and read alone to cry so hard she can't breathe and may even pass out.  Or even watch my leave in an ambulance and she just sits by the river wondering if it was all her fault.  And none of this was her fault.  It was my family who never cared about me, always made rude jokes about me, who called me a liar, and made me feel like I was worth nothing.  But now she has to feel the pain for who knows how long.  The best thing I could've done was write her the letter she is reading right now.  And it read...
Dear Brianna my beautiful beautiful best friend the most thoughtful person I know,
I want you to know none of this is your fault.  I want you to know that you were the best person in my life.  I love you so so much.  I'm doing this because of my parents, they don't love or want me and I know all you ever did was be there for me but it's hard when everyone else doesn't care.  I'm sorry I have to say this so soon, but this is our goodbye.  I wanted to hand you this letter, but I could never kill myself infront of you.  I would hate to see the pain it brings to your face, but just know I will be watching you wherever I go.  Again I love you so much.  Don't hate me for too long, if that's even possible after everything I've put you through.
Love Grey
P.s. I kissed this after I finished writing it, because I loved you and never got to tell you.  :)
Brianna~
Sorry for not telling you about the letter I wanted Grey to tell you since he was watching me read it.  He watched as I read the first sentence and tears started streaming down my face.  He watched as my mouth dropped when he said he kissed the letter.  And I know he is still watching me to this day when I talk about how good of a friend he was and that I never want someone to go through the same pain he had to and he will be proud.  That is how I chose to move forward in my life.