Incorrect quotes- Derp Crew #1

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T/W:implied/mentioned: death, suicide, cursing, murder, arson, drinking

Sage: For self defense reasons, I'm going to pretend to be a burglar and you guys have to act wisely.
Xisuma , Leaf, & Grian : Okay.
Sage: If you don't want to die, give me all your money.
Xisuma : Bold of you to assume I have money.
Leaf: Bold of you to assume I don't want to die.
Grian : Bold of you to assume I can die.

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EX: Adulting is hard.
EX: How do I quit?
Sage: Time travel.
Mumbo: Die.

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Mumbo: Watcha doin?
Sage: Stealing my neighbour's cat.
Mumbo: Scandalous.
Mumbo: Can I help?

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Mumbo: Seriously, Grian , how many people would you have killed if we'd asked you to?
Grian : That's not important
Mumbo: I DISAGREE.

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Mumbo: If you got arrested what would be the charges?
Xisuma : Theft.
Leaf: Disturbing the peace.
Ash: Aggravated assault.
EX: Arson.
Grian : All of the above. In that order, probably.

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Grian: Good morning.
Scar: Good morning.
Xisuma : Good morning.
Sage: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.
EX: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS! 

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Scar: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?
Xisuma : Maybe a bit tipsy?
Mumbo: Drunk.
Leaf: Wasted.
Grian: Dead.

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Grian : Everytime I hear someone talking about updog, I'm torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke.

Mumbo: Okay, but what is updog?

Scar: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish.

Xisuma : Not, that's a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released.

EX: No, that's an update. You're thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden.

Ash: Surely, that's Uppsala, where's updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

Grian : That's Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs.

Xisuma : You're thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

Scar: No, that's an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

Mumbo: What's a henway??

Grian : Oh, about five pounds.

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Grian : Dumbest scar stories, go!

Mumbo: I burned my tongue once drinking tea.

Scar: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it.

Xisuma : I have a piece of graphite in my leg for accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade.

EX: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn.

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