His Name (Frerard)

His Name

His name was Gerard.

And Frank loved him. He loved Frank right back.

Frank didn't believe in God or luck, but he felt the need to thank someone outside a worldly realm for his partner. He felt strangely blessed--Gerard was more than a boyfriend, he was more than a casual lover or someone to have sex with; Gerard was a passion. A life. A love.

They had met at a concert in Trenton, where the Misfits had a legendary show. Both sweaty and just a little bit drunk, they bumped into each other on the way out. An exchange of numbers and a few evenings out later, Frank knew that Gerard was the one.

After this epiphany, Frank fell for him. Hard. Fast. His undying love showed no mercy, but he didn't mind. He was absolutely infatuated with Gerard. After all, Gerard was perfect. The way he talked so intensely about what he was passionate for, the way his dark hair was tangled after he woke up, that smile that was so bright it would have put the sun to shame.

Clear as a bell, Frank could remember the day that he picked out a ring. He was next to broke but spared no expense on the love of his life. It was a beauty and nothing short of that; a one carat diamond mounted on 14 carat white gold. Set in a black box lined with red velvet, he placed it in his blazer pocket and took Gerard out to dinner.

The two were content with each other, talking as two people in love would. When the time was right, Frank said he had something to tell his soon-to-be fiancé.

He got down on one knee, pulled out the small box, and opened it--revealing the ring that would determine the future he had always dreamed of. His heart fluttered in nervous excitement.

The look on Gerard's face was something Frank would never forget. No, it wasn't one of joy or ecstasy or surprise. Tears were forming in his eyes, but for all the wrong reasons. He looked disappointed, apologetic, ashamed.

Cupping his hands around his mouth like he did when he was upset, Gerard mumbled, "I should have told you..." He closed the box, still being held out by Frank.

Frank was confused, and quite honestly, embarrassed. He got up and sat back into his chair. "Told me what, honey?" By now, he was painfully aware of every pair of eyes staring in their direction.

"I love you no matter what," Gerard started, fighting back the tears that were already streaming down his face. "It's just--I went to the doctor and--" He choked on a sob and Frank began to realize what was happening.

Astonished, he said, "You don't mean...?" Gerard nodded. Frank didn't want to believe it. They hadn't both been tested, they didn't think they needed it. It wasn't all too common anymore. But it was true. Gerard was infected.

The gay disease. AIDS.

Frank didn't have time to question it, only to let the shock wash over him. He probably had it too. "Can't the doctor do something? How bad is it?" His words cracked with desperation.

Gerard swallowed thickly and wiped his eyes, taking Frank's hand. "I have a few months to live. And in that time, I want to spend it all with you. Let's get married while we can." His shaking voice broke Frank's heart.

It didn't sound rational, knowing that he would only be around for such a short time, but Frank agreed. He slipped the ring onto Gerard's left hand and leaned over the table to give him a kiss on the mouth, ruined by tears.

It was beautifully depressing, their last days together. They did everything they could to make it worthwhile, but the moment Frank saw his husband in the hospital bed, he knew, deep down, that it wasn't enough. It could never be enough.

And as he made his way through the cemetery for the first time after the funeral, he couldn't help but break down into tears in front of the headstone. It was nothing extravagant but the words engraved on it were too real for Frank, even though he had attempted to come to terms with Gerard's death every moment of every day since he passed.

Frank loved him, and he loved Frank right back.

And anyone that passed the small headstone in the grassy field littered with graves would have known, his name was Gerard.