How to be happy

It also makes us feel good.

Drugs make us feel good too. but laughter is free, and better for you.

Unless what you take is comedy crack. In that case, I bow to you.

However, my fiancé thinks that comedy crack is the bit of bum cleavage you see when people bend over. No offence, but get a belt.

Visualisation.

A lot of self help books say that if you visualise the life you want, you will achieve it. This is not only largely a myth (though not all the time), but also impractical.

If it fully worked the way they say, then every fourteen year old in the world would be constantly surrounded by super hot strippers, and I would be riding a dragon to work and dressed as a freaking ninja every day. Instead of just Mondays, as normal.

But, if you picture yourself as happy, smiling, laughing (at appropriate moments – not during funerals or holocaust documentaries) then you may actually start to feel better.

Learn.

Learn something. Watch QI. Read Cracked. Laugh and learn. It’s great. Revel in the font of knowledge that is Stephen Fry (that’s what my fiancé thinks anyway).

Develop a skill. It doesn’t have to be exceptional. Learning a few magic tricks may not make you the next Merlin, but it gives you something to be on those cold winter nights now your wolf family is more fascinated with knowing which part of your body is the tastiest.

The human brain and body were designed to DO STUFF!

Sure, sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself can be a hobby, but it’s not going to impress your friends. Unless you have horrible, horrible friends. In which case, they are NOT your friends.

You will probably suck at your chosen hobby (which is bad unless it’s oral sex) at first. But that’s ok. Because so did everyone else ever when they started learning too.

But keep at it. You can do it....you are AMAZING!

I’ll prove it.

Time travel.

Let’s take a trip back in time.

The great dame of Buddhism, Tina Turner, once asked ‘What’s love got to do with it?’

Not much is the answer. Especially when you’re a monkey.

So, this little monkey/ape dude is happily swinging through the trees all day, minding his own monkey business and casually demolishing a banana. All of a sudden this vision of simian beauty swings into his vision, and all of his monkey impulses scream:

BONE THAT!

So he grabs a banana and off he goes, in a quest to get some sweet, sweet monkey poon.

In a situation mirrored across bars, pubs clubs today, he tries out his best line.

You know the one he got from some other monkey who was all like:

Oook! Oook! Aaak! Aaak!

Translated:

Dude! Monkey chicks totally go crazy for this. It’s a guaranteed promise.

So he swings over and gives the monkey equivalent of why’s a nice girl like you hanging around a tree like this?

And he offers her a banana.

She’s kinda bored, and more than a bit desperate after her break up with a gorilla. So they hook up and have lots and lots of monkey loving.

And, after she wakes up with a hangover from too many fermented bananas, she looks over at his sleeping ass and goes:

Oook! Oook! Aaak! Aaak!

Translated:

Dude! What the fuck!?!

Monkeys only have two words, but they have a lot of uses.

So she sneaks off, and he wakes up with a smile.

A couple of months later, she swings back into his life with awesome/devastating news.

“I’m like, totally pregnant dude!”

So, him being a decent monkey, they get the ape version of married (it involves a lot more screaming and literal shit throwing then our pussy modern day version) and he gets a job in a banana tree and raises lots of little monkeys.

Say hello to your great, great, x100,000 grand parents.

I’m sure they’re proud of you.

To read the rest of the book, including the end of this article, please buy How To Be Happy from Amazon for the grand sum of $0.99!!!

http://www.amazon.com/How-To-Be-Happy-ebook/dp/B00BS8YKSQ/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1364136586&sr=1-1