The Noose Around Us Both: Savaş and Büge Wedding Day

The Noose Around Us Both

[Flashback of Büge and Savaş' wedding night]

It was their wedding day but neither Büge nor Savaş were happy. Their minds were wandering, searching distant, hollow memories. After all the ceremonies had ended, when there was no one left in the room but them— then, the silence was deafening. The space between them wasn't just physical. It epitomized the foundation of their marriage. Silence permeated through them because there were so few words to say. Savaş was a man of little conversation. Büge was a woman who'd lost the will to speak. They both wanted to scream but neither had the luxury to even speak their minds. So instead, they allowed the awkwardness to fill the room, letting it to gradually replace the air until suffocation was the only option.

Barış would remain between them, even when both intended to uphold their vows. Barış was in the silence; he was the silence. For Büge, the literal dichotomy of handing off both halves of her heart emotionally emaciated her. Do you really need a soulmate? Couldn't you belong to more than one person over the course of a lifetime? These questions raced through her mind but it was hopeless to answer them. It was far too late for her to back down. Büge knew that she would suffer, no matter how hard her heartstrings tried to pull in her favour. It had always been a tug of war between brothers, but now the rope between them tightened around her neck like a noose. She was their prisoner and they had condemned her to death.

Now, all she could do was sit silently at the edge of the bed, the lace embroidery of her dress like thorns in her back, the ring around her finger like a receipt of sale. Still, it could have been worse, she thought. At least Savaş was decent, at least he was her friend. She stared at the window where Barış had left just hours earlier; she fixated on that moment, rushing to the window even though Barış wouldn't be waiting for her on the balcony- on the other side of her decision. Still, she held the window frame with both hands, leaning into the weight of the wooden shutters. She wanted to disappear.

"Are you alright Büge?". Savaş asked, entering the room. He shut the door, still looking at her.

"Did you finish your work?". Büge asked. The fact that her new father-in-law had pressured Savaş into working on their wedding day worried her.

"I'm sorry it took so long". Savaş sighed, his hands on his thighs. "Are you dizzy?". He asked. Büge nodded, still silent. She couldn't tell him why— she couldn't tell him the truth. She couldn't even look at him out of guilt. "Sit". He helped her to the corner of the bed, taking off her veil and bridal tiara. "Let me bring you some water".

"No—". She grabbed his arm. He looked at her hand and the ring he'd place on it just hours earlier. "Please don't go". She cried.

"Büge, you don't seem fine". He repeated. He was trying his hardest to show affection. It was foreign to him. But she needed him now. She was his responsibility.

"I'll be okay. It's just been a tiring and emotional day". She replied. "Please, sit with me". She grabbed his hand. It felt like Barış'. "Don't be a stranger".

"Are you sure?". He asked. She nodded. Then, she reached down to take off her shoes. "Wait, let me". He said, getting down on his knees to help her. She looked at him, so gentle and quiet. She wiped the tears from her eyes. "Sorry, I'm not good at these things. Better?". He asked. He wasn't a bad person, she thought. He just wasn't him— her Barış.

"Savaş—". She put her hands on his shoulders as he got up. "Thank you truly. Thank you for supporting me— for saving me". She looked him in the eyes with as much strength as she could muster. There was nothing there, no sentiment, no clear emotion on his face. If there was, it was buried beneath his polite platitudes and reserved demeanour.

He smiled. "Anyone worth loving is worth saving. My brother couldn't see that and it's his loss". Savaş replied. Büge was fighting tears. The metaphorical noose tightened; she felt her throat swell from crying. She had to try and find meaning in her new reality.